NBA FASTBREAK 2006 - by Bent

KF: Welcome to this special pre-season edition of NBA Fastbreak. I'm your host, Kevin Frasier and alongside me, I have my good friends, Steven A. Smith and Greg Anthony.

GA: Hi.

SAS: Helloandletmefirstsayhowglady'allaretohavemehere... (continues to speak but you can no longer hear him).

KF: Oh, there appears to be a "problem" with Steven's microphone. (You can still hear SAS yapping in the background). Anyway, coming up in tonight's show, we'll check out the pre-season action from tonight's schedule. There was one game on tap: The Celtics versus the New York Knickerbockers. (Pause for effect... SAS looks confused and has stopped talking for the first time). Let's get to the action...

SAS: (Grabbing GA's lapel and shouting into his microphone) FirstIwanttosay... (strangely, GA's microphone cuts out too).

KF: Early action, Knicks making a move. Jamal Crawford with the pull-up trifecta.

GA: BUCKET!

KF: Crawford ended up 1-for-8 from downtown. Later on, Marbury with the pull up. Tres bien.

GA: BUHHHCKET!

KF: Celtics by ten after one. Second quarter, Knicks looking to fight back. Channing Frye with the little jump hook and the Knicks trail by fifteen at the half.

SAS: FryecametoplaytonightIknowalotofpeoplethinkhe'ssoftbut
Iconsiderhimtobemoreofa FINESSE PLAYER. IfyouknowwhatImean.

KF: THIRD quarter, David Lee with the steal, takes it coast to coast for the hoop and harm. Dunk of the night nominee, there.

GA: Ooooh.

SAS: LetmetellyoutheseyoungguysaregonnamakesomeNOISEnextyear. FryeLeeRobinsonItellyouwhatlookoutfortheknicksnext
yearyougottagivemymanIsaihaTONofcreditforassemblingthislineup.

KF: Celtics entered the fourth leading 81-55. Ricky Davis…makes the free-throw. He finished with a game high 22 points. Eight Celtics in double figures tonight. Late fourth quarter, Bruno Sundov from dahntahn...

GA: BUHHHHHHCKKKKEEEETTTT!

KF: But the Celtics hang on for the 106-80 victory. So guys, what about these team's chances for the upcoming season?

GA: Well, as we ALL know, pre-season results mean nothing, so don't put too much stock into this result. The Knicks are assembling a young group of guys and they've picked up some solid veterans. Not to mention that they now have a PREMIER head coach in Larry Brown.

SAS: LarryBrown. Greatpedigree. CelticsDocRiversunprovencoachgoingtostruggle. IsayitonceIgottasayitagainyougottagivemymanIsiahaTONofcredit.

GA: When you look at the guys the Celtics have lost this summer: Payton. Walker. These guys were a BIG part of that team that won a weak Atlantic division last year. The East is going to be stronger this year. The Cavs, Bucks, Bulls, Magic and Knicks are all going to be stronger and I think the Celtics are probably going to miss out altogether.

KF: Well, the Celtics have some guys who figure to play a bit more this year. Brian Scalabrine, Delonte West, Kendrick Perkins. (They all laugh).

SAS: ANYTIMEyougotateamwithnotalentyou'regoingtostruggletogetanywhereintheNBA. Danny Ainge…hedon'tgotnotalentmakesmewonderhowmuchlongerhegoingtolastinthatjob.

KF: Yes, Celtics fans: not renowned as being the most patient of people.

GA: I think the Celtics have some good young guys, like Carlton Banks and Justin Reed…

SAS: Who?

GA: …but they lack the experience and chemistry to make it to the playoffs.

SAS: Igottatellyou... Paul Pierce... Heain'tgonnawannabestickingaroundwhilethisteamrebuildsagain.

KF: Actually, we have some exclusive news on the Celtics and any potential trades. Let's go over to Chad Ford for exclusive details.

CF: Thanks, Kevin. Well, I have been speculating on Pierce being moved for some time now and I can now exclusively reveal that despite there being over 400 players in the NBA, I have now reported every possible combination of players that could be traded for Pierce. So, if he IS traded, you can be sure I was right.

KF: Thank you for that exclusive information, Chad.

CF: More detail can be obtained by subscribing to ESPN Insider on our website.

KF: Just time now to look at the 3D's from tonight. Obviously, we won't be looking at any Celtics highlights because this is ESPN, but let's see what the Knicks did. Starting with DISHES. Well, the Knicks actually had no assists in the game - in fact the only time any Knicks players passed the ball was when inbounding it after a made basket, but here's a shot of the dish that Vin Baker kept his beer-nuts in last season.

GA: Ooooh!

KF: Moving on to DEFENSE. Erm, there wasn't a whole lot of that going on from the Knicks either, so let's skip that section. DUNKS now: Here is a quarter of an hour of footage from the Knicks running the lay up line before the game…

SAS: Ohhh!

GA: Ooooh!

SAS: NahthatonewasWEAK.

GA: Ooooh! (This continues for 15 minutes)

KF: Finally some action from the game. Here's David Lee.

GA: Ooooh!

KF: And with the Celtics walking off the floor in the closing seconds, here's Trevor Ariza.

SAS: Ohhh! Letmetellyouthiskidblahblahblahblah...

KF: Dunk of the night now. Plenty of contenders, but the panel went with... David Lee.

GA: Noooo! That was NOT the best dunk of the night.

SAS: Whochoosesthesethings? ManIgottatellyoublahblahblahblah.

KF: Okay guys, that's all we've got time for tonight. The trifecta continues with Outside the Lines. We'll be back tomorrow. (Four million viewers across the globe switch off their TV sets and think why DO I watch that show?)