Is Glen(n) a Bad First Name?

by Jim Weeks on Dec 9, 2007 10:58 PM EST in Green Bandwagon

If the head coach of the Boston Celtics were named Lance I would understand why he went by Doc. If the 35th pick of the 2007 NBA draft, chosen by Seattle and then traded to Boston, were named Lance I would understand why he went by Big Baby, which really is one of the most ridiculous mainstream nicknames ever. In fact off the top of my head only "Big Play Willie Clay" is more bizarre, and that is only because Clay allegedly gave it to himself. Admittedly, I did not do a lot of research into this and I am open to other suggestions.

But back to the matter at hand. What's wrong with the name Glen(n)? It is a pretty inoffensive name, no? And it's not as if Doc Rivers and Big Baby Davis earned their nicknames in some amazing way. Neither is reminiscent of the time Shaq gave Paul Pierce his nickname,

"'Take this down,' said O'Neal. `My name is Shaquille O'Neal and Paul Pierce is the (expletive) truth. Quote me on that and don't take nothing out. I knew he could play, but I didn't know he could play like this. Paul Pierce is the truth.' And from that time on, Pierce has been called The Truth." - Loy's Place

Meanwhile, Rivers wore a Dr. J t-shirt to a basketball camp years ago. This inspired Rick Majerus, who was at said basketball camp, to bestow upon Rivers the Doc moniker. And it stuck. If that's how we're giving out nicknames I'm getting a Night Train Lane t-shirt ASAP, buying as much Chinese food as possible and heading down to St. Louis to pay a visit to Majerus. Meanwhile, Davis is called Big Baby because as a child, and throughout his adolescence in fact, he was just that, a Big Baby. So what exactly is the case against Glen(n)? I guess there are not a whole ton of celebrities rocking it as a first name. And if there ever were a gathering of famous Glen(n)s do you really think Rivers and Davis would be fired up to hang out with Glenn Beck. Contrast that with say a famous Michaels club. Jordan, Jackson, Johnson...

In closing Glen(n) is certainly not Lance. Nor is it Cody (for a dude), Slater, Dylan (don't kill the messenger), Richard (can go either way depending on the person), Bradley (strangely Brad is fine), Brayden, Caleb, Dexter (only a few can pull off Dex), Casey (my rule) and on and on. Is it Hank? Hell no. But what is? However, I'd argue that Glen(n) would have even faired pretty well in Nicholas Cage's epic "Baby Names" skit on SNL. I challenge Glenn Rivers and Glen Davis to embrace their names. As a side note I will never say anything good about Cage on this blog ever again.

P.S. Was this whole post just an attempt to include the two greatest Starbucks commercials of all time? You betcha. See Hank above and enjoy Glen below. Glen...Glen! Glen! Glen!

End of story. That's one kick ass name.