Celtic Games and Toys for the Angry and Depressed Fan
by Master Po on Jul 23, 2007 4:21 AM EDT
in Humor
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PrintA few days ago, Jeff wanted to help entertain us while the losing has stopped. He said maybe we could dust off our old VHS tapes, and watch the Celtic glory years in these sweaty days of July and August. You all know the "glory years" don’t you? When Toine 3-ball Walker wiggled and fiddled (without being held at gunpoint) and taught Paul Pierce the art of shooting ill-timed 3 pointers from 45 feet and how to whine at the referees for 48 continual minutes.
Jeff also suggested we might want read the Dilbert Comic strip and thus forget about basketball for awhile. Are you kidding? Forget the pain? Forget the agony of da-feet? He even went so far as to suggest that we research other NBA teams? Why dear Lord would we do that? To see what winning feels like? I am getting used to this losing thing, baby! It’s my new "comfortably numb losing feeling". It keeps me grounded……well below ground actually, during the heat of summer. I like living in the cool dark loser’s basement during the hot dry summer of my own 21 year discontent.
Wanting to immerse myself deeper in the misery of the further anticipated losing in the 2007-08 season, I went to work these past few days on inventing some new Celtic Board games and toys to use for the remainder of the summer. I think these games and toys would be great to play and share with young Celtic fans everywhere to get them started off on the wrong foot of losing the "Celtic way". On Sale Now – call 1-800-Shop PO!!!
see product detials after the jump
Game # 1 – Crazy Doc Rivers Rotation Game!!!! Come on Celtic fans join the fun of coaching just like Doc Rivers. Feel the pure excitement of being in charge of 12 players and moving your team in a dizzying array of crazy lineups that create a losing season!
You start this exciting new Board game with 12 player-pieces to use at your leisure, and 16 assistant coaches to help you mess it up! Use all these pieces to move around the basketball-shaped board until everyone is completely confused about what the hell you are doing! Learn how to use your lineups to confuse the other team from the get-go. Go small! Go Big! Yeah! Play your absolute worst players at crunch time!!! You can even call timeouts after building a big lead in the game to bring in a completely mind-numbingly crazy line-up to lose the lead in less than a quarter!!! Make your opponents scratch their heads in utter amazement as you shuffle players in and out of the line-up with zero rhyme or reason. There is plenty of fun here for the whole family until that final losing buzzer sounds. IF you call NOW, we will throw in 4 additional D-League game pieces/players absolutely free, so you can rotate a total of 16 players per game and confuse even yourself!!!!
Game #2 – Celtic Orthopedic Trauma Surgeon Game!!!! – Celtic Fans everywhere you’ll love this new and improved version of the old 1960’s game "Operation". This brand-new game (created and designed with input from Danny Ainge himself) allows you to take your medical skills to a whole new level of thrilling intervention. In this exciting new type of digital interactive game you are in charge of all Celtic player orthopedic injuries. You are in complete control of medical and surgical decisions from the moment each injured player is acquired by Danny Ainge. Be ready for the challenges that this "cutting-edge" game presents, as all body parts will be used against you, including bad ankles, old eroding knees, and even lower backs that are stiffer the Mark Blunts hands! Danny won’t stop trading for injured players until he has beaten you down in this fast-paced non-stop action medical NBA game of Russian Injury Roulette. As the team surgeon you decide the following actions:
- When to order an MRI or CT Scan!
- When to operate, and shut down the crippled player for the entire season!
- When to let a player play injured!
- When to file the NBA disability/injury insurance claim!
In the center of the Game Board are large plastic replica heads of Danny Ainge and the Brain Doctor’s Brain. Simply push on the head of Danny Ainge to have him go into an immediate bad-trading action frenzy of trading for yet another injured player to deal with. You will race against the Celtic Game clock to make the right medical decision as the whole season slips away before your very eyes!!!
Remember, each player is allowed once per game to push on the Giant Brain of the Brain Doctor for clues as to what injured player Danny might trade for next, so you can prepare and assemble your own surgical team in advance.
Small realistic surgical tools come with the game set, but batteries are not included for Danny’s giant empty head. Order it today so you can begin operating as soon as possible!!!!! Order now and we’ll throw in a Paul Pierce realistic Puss-filled plastic elbow to drain and bandage over and over again.
CELTIC TALKING TWEENER DOLL
Are your kids too young for a intense Board Game like those mentioned above? Does your son or daughter love talking dolls to help them learn? Do you want your kids to learn the art of making stupid statements and learning about the Celtic Code of Conduct or insincere Celtic Pride? If yes, then please check out our new Celtic Talking Tweener Doll complete with interchangeable player heads of each Celtic player.
Celtic Talking Head Doll is chocked full of statements for your kids that will help put them on the right path to never saying the right thing again, or simply making bad excuses for poor behavior.
Snap on the Paul Pierce head, pull the string and here Paul Pierce say: "Wyc, we need to get me some Vet help, or I want my 60 million and a quick ticket outta here" or hear Paul Pierce say: "I want to help this young team build for the future, but come on man, I wanna ring baby – who wants to play for losers"
If your kids need some examples of never taking the rap for bad behavior then simply snap on the Sebastian Telfair head, quickly pull the string and hear Bassy scream "it ain’t my gun", pull it again quickly and hear him say "it really ain’t my gun this time either"
Need your child to hear some self-help truly motivating nutritional words from a Celtic player they admire? Snap on the Brian Scalabrine puffy head, pull the string and hear Veal say: Mmmmmmmmm……………..Doughnuts" or "Can I have extra fries with that?"
How about words of encouragement regarding your child’s higher education? Just snap on the Gerald Green head onto your Celtic doll, pull the string and hear Gerald say "Stay in School …..at least until you get drafted" or hear Gerald give strong words of encouragement about being organized and staying sharp "You gotta know where to catch the team bus my little homey, and you better know if you at the Gah-en playin’ then you need your home jersey – you know what I’m sayin?"
Snap on your Kendrick Perkins head, pull the string slowly and hear it say……….nothing! The menacing angry scowl on the face is so realistic you’ll want to keep this Celtic non-talking head away from small happy children
If you call now (Operators are standing by) then we will include a Doc Rivers snap-on head and three bonus sayings when you pull the string.
"On this play we give Paul the ball and everyone else scatter to the wind"
"Yes I know Leon Powe grabbed 15 rebounds and blocked three shots, but he doesn’t know the offense yet"
and……
pull the string one final time and hear Doc say:
"We are going to run and play up-tempo ball this year or my name ain’t Nurse"
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Comments
I can’t believe I just wasted 13 minutes reading this.
At least I did it on ’work’s’ time.
How about tomorrow, someone (even you, Master Po) write a POSITIVE piece on our Celtics?
It’s easy to write negative stories about just about anything, as it seems that’s the basis of 90% of media we’re exposed to.
Just click on cnn.com and tell me how many positive stories there are.
This site and it’s bloggers stand true to that 90% theory, I believe.
90% of posts and comments are negative.
Pitino was correct: The negativity in this town stinks and it s*cks.
I mean it.
I think Eric’s piece was pretty positive and he got raked over the coals for it. I think we should all agree that there are so many people on this site that there are bound to be 100 different opinions about the team and someone will always feel like they are being ganged up on. Get over it. I don’t see an overriding perception or slant on this blog. I just see people reacting to a poor season and hoping for better things in the future.
But to each his own.
Are you serious Jeff, I mean really?
Are you serious?
90% of the time people are slamming Doc, Danny and/or the team on this site.
Okay, maybe (MAYBE) 80% of the time…but that’s as low as I’ll go.
Just look at the comments so far about this story, today.
This is my favorite website, but it’s hard to check-in and read such negativity all the time.
I’m not really talking about the lead stories, etc.
I’m talking about the ‘fan’ base which comments on them.
the poll run a week ago had the majority of people thinking that we’d make it to the playoffs and many of them thought we’d get past the first round
coming off a season where we finished next to last, I think that’s some pretty good optimism there
don’t just listen to the loudest talkers, listen to everyone, and I think you’ll see a decent cross section of Celtics fans
mcpu40 – I have been a fan since 1968-69. I have green in my blood bro. Just having some fum in my article (or at least trying to). People suffer, try, and even “hope” in their own way – it’s what makes the world go round just in case you didn’t know. Now if you don’t mind I am going back to my dark cold lonely basement and talk to my Celtic Tweener Doll ;)
Hm…Master PO…I have been a loyalist since 1976 (I was 10 folks). While I dont
have a Celtic Tweenie Doll…I own Celtic Jerseys, Summer Gear and Shorts. I play
basketball several times a week and take my beating from my friends about the Celtics with a smile. I am a fan period. I may not always be happy with my team or its direction, but I am a fan.
That means, I can laugh at them to. Master PO…keep writing. I need the laugh. Jeff, great site. All of the negative writers, thanks for that too. It gives another perspective.
I plan to continue cheering and groaning with the rest of you. I might even threaten to leave my love at the door but it is an impossible love to give up. The Celtics enjoyed runs like no other franchise. As a franchise, we have created most of the dilemmas that we are in right now (bad drafts, tanking and poor free agent signings).
Remember, we are fans and that this is a game…nothing more. If this is the biggest tragedy in your life, smile and say thanks.
Master Po and Jeff…thank you once again. I remain loyal…even when I am beaten
in the post by a guy in the Knicks Patrick Ewing Jersey.
MCPU40 – I think the difference in Po’s writing is that it is done with an obvious humor to it. Much easier to read than some of the negative commentary out there that is done in a spirit of hatred. We all know that this team has a lot to criticize and things we need to work on. The right “spirit” that the comments are made in help. I think that you are dead on with your 80-90% negative tally though. Jeff’s point on the poll is accurate, but your point on the posts are even more accurate. If this site wasn’t dominated by the negative posters and some of those other positive people posted more then we would have a more enjoyable experience.
Well thought out and creative as usual PO!
Excellent job Master Po. Loved every word of it. Very funny stuff!
by aQua on Jul 23, 2007 3:10 PM EDT reply actions
EJPLAYA: Thanks for your support.
It’s the extreme minority of posts that are written with hatred at their core. Those are easy to spot and therefore, easy to skip over.
It just seems that every time I read a post on this site it’s about how bad the C’s are, how lame Doc is, what a poor job Danny has done, etc.
I’m dying to get to work tomorrow, log on to this site, and read an enlightening piece written in a positive nature regarding the current state of the Celtics.
It’s easy to kick someone or something when they are down (especially anonymously). It’s much harder to see the good in people…but it’s there…it always is and it always will be.
Even if I think that it was not the case in MasterPo’s piece today, I agree with MCPU40 when he says there’s too much pessimism on Celticsblog. And not just in the comments. Sometimes, we should focus on what we have rather than pretending that Bill Russell, Larry Bird and Dave Cowens will come through that door. I understand that criticisms “sell” the blog, but I think that being Celtics fans, we should go further than whining on Ainge, on Rivers, on Pierce, on Grousbeck, on everything. MCPU40 is right, sometimes it seems that the only fun we get from the Celtics is when we despise them.
Been following the Celts since 1962 and I’ve never felt worse about their plight as I do now.
by aQua on Jul 23, 2007 4:41 PM EDT reply actions
I’d have lots of fun if I went to a competitive game.
OH NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Negativity. (Reality)
Let’s focus on what we have. OK. We have a solid core of young players. Those players are progressing very well offensively and very poorly defensively. We have 2 excellent veteran players who if healthy, with a healthy Jefferson, could carry this team to a .500 record. A healthy Ratliff playing 15MPG could push this team to 45 wins. Both Pierce and Allen, unfortunately, are very weak defenders and are team leaders. The head coach, the worst in the NBA, has never made defense a priority while preaching defense during his entire tenure. That, in a nutshell, is what we have.
Excellent job, Oh Great One, of illustrating the absurdity of what we’ve seen the last 3 years.
Iowa Plowboy, you must be one of those who, when one points to the stars, watches the finger. I was not just trying to make people focus on what we have today, but even on what we had in the past, what made the Celtics the best team in NBA history. Whining is Laimbeeresque, not Celtic, and we should do a little more than this to be worth of the Celtics’ legacy. I joined Celticsblog because I thought it was becoming a focal point of us fans, but in the last couple of months all I had here were futile rumors and hatred toward the team I love. It is easy to root for Russell, Cowens, Bird. The true fans are the ones who will take the bitter of the loss and still be positive and assertive.
If someone posts something that he doesn’t like about the
Cs it isn’t necessarily negativity. Often it is simply
accuracy. 45 wins would be a good season with this team
and especially this coach. When the team goes down to the wire in a close game, who does Doc ISO with. His head may explode.
by Greg37 on Jul 23, 2007 6:25 PM EDT reply actions
The true fans, Legend, stay with their team for 40 years…from 1500-2000 miles away…attend games as far as 600 miles away….Laimbeeresque?? We should have him as a coach. His team defends. I loved watching the HBO special on him an Mahorn. His players don’t like him but respect him. Sounds almost like Red…Like Fitch. Doc’s players love him…or so they say, but how can you respect somebody who pays no attention to defense?…Who presides over a tanking? We should be so lucky to be coached by “Laimberesque”….or somebody like him. I don’t pretend to know what throwing away 5 million dollars would be like…which is what Wyc would have to do to move the organization forward. But I think once you preside over what Doc has, there is no way he could have the respect of the players. I hope I’m wrong.
The bitter of the loss is one thing. As a true fan, Legend, I can handle that. Cheating is entirely another. It undermines young players, the game, the organization, and the league. As a true fan, I can’t handle that. If you consider anger about that hatred, then I hate what happenned last year. Especially when I’m paying to go to or subscribe to see the games. Because that’s what true fans do….they follow their team. What you consider a true fan is somebody with blind allegiance.
Plowboy -
A true fan would never mention Laimbeer in any discussion about a team position.
Your accusations of cheating are unfounded and speculation, and the fact that you expect the rest of us to make that same leap and assumption demonstrates your lack of rational logic. We don’t HAVE to agree with your assertion that isn’t based in fact. You sure sound like a liberal to me… Maybe you’re just a sports liberal.?!
Stop complaining about paying to see the Celtics. If you don’t want to, don’t pay. Real easy!
PLAYA, unlike you, (1) I’m not blind nor naive.(2) I don’t see progress in going from 45 to 33 to 24 wins. (3) I would hire anybody who would improve the Celtics. Laimbeer had the very edge as a player we need as a team.
I would welcome Laimbeer, or anybody who could teach defense instead of the clueless leader we have now. Especially if Mahorn comes with him.
Using your much more lucid logic, Cowens, Sharman, Bird, McHale, Jones, and virtually every retired Celtic legend should have their numbers removed from the rafters because they either have or currently work for our NBA rivals.
I’m not an anything liberal, PLAYA.
The true fans, Legend, stay with their team for 40 years…from 1500-2000 miles away… (Iowa Plowboy)
Make it 4000 miles away, my friend. And comparing Mahorn to Auerbach, well, Iowa, this could ban you from Celticsland for life…. ;)
Laimbeer should coach the Celtics? I don’t know, the last time I saw him he was cowering after The Chief had landed a few punches on his face, he was in fetal position, just in case Parish wanted another piece of him. But when he could nail Bird with an elbow, aaaah, that was Laimbeer at his best.
Back to the Celtics: considering that the Celtics have gone from 45 wins to 24 without considering rebuilding and injuries is rather unfair, and shows that you have an agenda: to prove that Ainge/Rivers/Grousbeck are wrong at whatever cost, maybe even at a cost of hiring Bill Laimbeer as the new coach or as the new GM. We should have kept Walker, we should have paid him 16 million bucks, and now we would have 24 wins anyway, only that we would have J.R. Bremer instead of Rondo, Eric Williams instead of Gomes, Tony Battie instead of Jefferson.
We shouldn’t have kept Walker. Bremer is out of the league. What’s your point? Laimbeer is a two-time NBA champion as a player and a two-time champion coach. Should we banish Cowens from the Garden forever because he coaches the Pistons? My only agenda is to see an improvement in our defense. Because if you watched the finals, that’s how those two teams got there. They didn’t get there blitzing. They got there playing tough defense. The teams Laimbeer played on won championships the same way. The team Laimbeer coaches has won championships the same way. If Parish had a proven track record as a defensive coach, I’d take him. Ainge was as big a whiner and distractor as Laimbeer….those two should be able to relate to each other.
I’m sorry if you find that blastphemous, Legend and Playa. I want a great Celtics team. Whoever takes us there is fine by me.
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