You have to give the folks at Reebok credit. The Rondo'd ad campaign was well done. In fact it inspired me to make verbs out of the rest of the Celtics. Obviously it's forced and given the way the season ended, overwhelmingly positive. Such is life. I'll start with Rondo, provided by Reebok, and go alphabetically from there.
1. To move smoothly between large objects with dexterity and purpose.
2. To remove an object quickly without being detected.
3. To create a distraction followed by a quick change of direction.
1. To rain 3 pointers down upon a squad with reckless abandon even if said squad has given up.
2. To run a defender off of numerous picks, slowly eroding his desire to defend.
3. To obsessively adhere to rituals, superstitions, and a lifestyle at all costs.
1. To injure one’s self on a dunk after the whistle.*
2. To infuriate opposing fans, players, and broadcasters with off the back board alley oops, self-pass windmill dunks, and reverse alley oop slams, regardless of the situation.
3. To possibly black out briefly following dunks.**
4. To raise the blood pressure of a fan base with numerous ill-advised decisions primarily related to dribbling.
* It killed me to include that. But fair is fair.
** This is one of my favorite Celtics related theories. I'm not sure who came up with it. And though it sounds far fetched, watch this dunk. And this one. You think he has any idea where he is? As always thank you freeTA42.
1. To always let a player know he was fouled when an infraction is whistled.
2. To engage in stare downs, exchange trash talk, and then walk away with a subtle, “I would eat this guy’s lunch” smirk.
3. To play in a physical manner that includes moving screens, hard box outs, and essentially non-stop contact in a way that makes people wish you still had your athleticism.
1. To talk to fans, teammates, referees, opponents, coaches, really anyone who will listen in such a non-stop fashion that it is simultaneously endearing and maddening.
2. To reveal one’s self to be the ultimate ball stopper who shoots without a conscience or a concerted effort to set up one’s teammates.
3. To provide the opposing team with a tremendous offensive advantage.
4. To establish one’s self as one of the most confident individuals within a 5-mile radius on a basketball court.
5. To create a celebratory dance that is easily more offensive than wearing jeans and a t-shirt to a game and yet never face the wrath of a fine happy, image conscious NBA.
1. To inspire so many post game buffet jokes that they become so unoriginal people stop using them while you continue to dominate the post game buffet.
2. To play almost entirely rooted to the ground, save for a few inexplicable dunks.
3. To impress observers with surprisingly quick feet and a strong grasp of defensive concepts.
1. To remind network executives everywhere why tape delay was instituted.
2. To play defense in general, and the pick and roll in particular, as well as anyone.
3. To bring a borderline unhealthy amount of intensity to the basketball court on a consistent basis.
1. To run around the court on both offense and defense in an excited fashion that is amplified by both an odd stride and a penchant for high socks.
2. To shoot at nearly any opportunity, yet in an endearing way, unlike other back up point guards on your team.
3. To inspire the crowd to chant one’s first name even if you are the 10th man.
1. To scowl in an intimidating fashion at all moments on the court.
2. To throw one of the best, and definitely the most powerful, over the head, two-handed outlet passes.
3. To play excellent post defense, while also mastering team defense and rotations.
1. To have an excellent season after surviving a brutal stabbing and play through pain in numerous other situations, yet still get ridiculed as a faker.
2. To inspire someone who played with, coached or, watched every significant Boston Celtic to dub you the greatest offensive player in Celtics history.
3. To drive to the hoop in unorthodox, strangely effective fashion.
1. To inspire a blogger to type that you move like there are cement blocks on your feet.
2. To give meaning to the phrase “the mind is willing but the body is weak.”
3. To play in only 22 games in a 108-game season (not counting pre season) and yet still seem like a guy that was good to have around.
1. To hit 3 pointers mainly when open with one’s feet set, yet still manage to do so at opportune times.
2. To show a surprisingly impressive ability to defend players with widely divergent skill sets and body types.
3. To assault the record for man hugs in a season while somehow maintaining one’s status a ridiculous bad ass.
1. To engage in collisions and go to the line despite getting the better of the aforementioned collision.
2. To rebound like a man possessed.
3. To sprint up and down the court and approach every second of playing time like one’s last in the NBA.
1. To make people wonder if you left college to early.
2. To complete one’s rookie season as an enigma.
3. To show zero fear offensively in limited minutes.
1. To lecture media members on playoffs predictions for a recently completely playoffs you did not play in.
2. To go from a highly criticized member of a mediocre basketball team to someone fans chanted for on several occasions.
3. To earn praise as a thinker and team player.