The Finals: A Survival Guide

The Celtics' return to the Finals for the first time since 1987 will be a nerve-wracking experience for many of us Celtics fan.  In fact, a good portion of eyeballs on this site have never even seen a live Finals game, and likely have no idea what to expect over the next few weeks.  For others, it has been far too long since the Celtics have been in their rightful place as Eastern Conference Champions and therefore may not remember exactly what the Finals are like.  

Thankfully, Master Po and Green17 have been planning for this day for sometime (and by that we mean since Saturday).  With the help of Google Image Search we  have come up with a Survival Guide of sorts that we hope will be useful to us all.   There are too many pictures here for a post - it would blow up our server, so please check the embedded links. 

What You'll Need to Buy

  • That's not to say the good times aren't upon us.  For that we recommend something off this list.  Champagne will be handy both for celebratory and god forbid sorrow drowning purposes. 

What To Do

Avoid excessive use of the word Lakers as this will cause a swelling of the tongue and leave a bitter poison taste in your mouth. We suggest you substitute the word "Fakers" instead of saying "Lakers". This represents a truthful explanation of the situation, and thus prevents unnecessary swelling of your tongue.  A bitter taste in your mouth can be avoided as well.

Read more

Avoid direct contact/conversations with Faker fans during the playoffs who want to debate the chances of their team or claim great success over the years. Simply say "8-2 Celtics vs. Fakers in the NBA Finals (alternativey 80% may be necessary to say as well as Faker fans likely have no math skills). After this math lesson simply walk away and "pop" your Celtic jersey to avoid deadly "Faker" infection

If by chance any Fakers Fans appear in your domicile during actually playoff games make sure that they are never served green kool-aid. Please have a small bucket full of the Jim Jones Purple Flavor-Aid available for them to sip on. If they refuse to drink the purple stuff...no worries…they will be dead soon enough after the Celtics claim victory. It is however probably best to spray-mist green kool-aid on your clothes and exposed skin while in their presence as this might prevent the Faker infection.

The word "Kobe " spoken in your presence by the casual LA Faker fan wanting to talk about "The Finals" during casual water cooler conversation or social discussions is not good for your survival.  You know the people of whom we speak.  These people have not watched a regular season game all year but are now experts in all things Kobe and Fakers.  These are dangerous people.  We suggest the following immediate response should one of these engage you in Kobe konversation: "Hmmmm…. I don't know really know any basketball players named Kobe, I do know it is an overrated overpriced type of beef that often gives your good friend Po stomach problems when ingested"  Then once again "pop" your Celtics jersey, find a quiet place, have a cigar and breathe deep knowing that #17 is almost here.

Most importantly though:

And remember three important phrases:

  1. Ram It Low
  2. Stops & Boards
  3. and....BEAT LA! 

 

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