Bigger SWAGs and Unreasonable Predictions
by Green17 on Jun 19, 2009 11:00 AM EDT
in Humor
28 comments
Jeff kicked of the morning with some reasonable guesses and mild SWAGs. I went the other route in the spirit of the old Conan gag - in the Year 2000, what follows are some much wilder guesses, unfortunately I don't have LaBamba singing that creepy interlude between comments.
- The Suns decide that they should build around Amare Stoudemire and buyout Steve Nash (do they not realize that Nash is 46 years old?). Steve signs with Celts to backup Rajon Rondo. Ok that's a crazy wish. Even crazier, Nash plays tremendous on-the-ball defense.
- A ticked off Celtics team opens the season with a 24 and 0 stretch, losing its first game in Charlotte when Ray Allen misses the game to speak at the UN.
- Kevin Garnett strains his neck slamming his head into the basket stantion before tipoff at a game in February. He has to sit for two games to recover. Thereafter the Celtics start taping a pillow to the stantion at home games.
- For economic reasons, the Wolves trade Ryan Gomes to the Celtics for Scal plus our pick. No idea if that works cap wise tough - someone who likes playing with the trade machine can figure it out and tell me its wrong I'm sure.
- One of Ariza Odom and Hedo will wear a new uni next year.
- The economy crushes many teams. Big sellers are: Nets, Pacers, Bucks, Wolves, Warriors, Spurs, Suns and Wiz.
- Chris Wallace does something dumb (not that wild I suppose).
- The Suns trade Shaq to the Cavs. The new team starts off fantastically well, until Shaq accidently hurts Mo and Delonte while posing for a fake pregame picture, taking out the Cavs entire back court for the rest of the season.
- Rondo eats hotwings before every home game and for the season averages a double-double...in assists and boards.
- No one wants to pay Shawn Marion in this market. He swallows some serious pride, signs with the Celtics for the MLE for 1-year and comes off the bench. The 5-man lineup of Rajon, Pierce, Marion, KG and Perk does not allow an offensive rebound all season.
- Pierce tweets that he will opt out and play for $7m per year next season.
- The NBA forces Derrick Rose to take the SATs on live on TNT. He gets a 400. The penalty is that the Chuckster shaves off Derrick's dumb stache and that he has to wear a dunce cap during the 1st quarter of every game in February.
- Phil Jax retires to teach yoga in New Mexico. JVG becomes the new Laker coach. Jeff promptly gets his own reality show.
- First coach fired: Larry Frank (who I think is actually a decent coach, he just has a lousy team)
- Blazers fans overrate their team.
Add your own in the comments (I'm sure Po will be good at this).
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Master PO interviews Cousy
and writes a book titled “Macrophenominal Guide to Feeling Like Chris Farley in an Epic Interview”
"We few, we happy few, we band of brothers" Henry V
by Jeff Clark on Jun 19, 2009 11:13 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
remember the time you threw that pass to Russ....?
…..that was awesome.
When Perk was asked what he thought of Howard winning the gold medal this summer, he responded: "What’s his impression of me after I won a ring?"
by Green17 on Jun 19, 2009 11:16 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
speaking of facial hair
Paul Pierce’s teammates sit him down for an intervention and explain that the peachfuzz lambchops are just not cutting it
"We few, we happy few, we band of brothers" Henry V
by Jeff Clark on Jun 19, 2009 11:23 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Kobe opts out of his deal
and signs a series of one year deals that he claims has nothing to do with his Jordan obsession
"We few, we happy few, we band of brothers" Henry V
by Jeff Clark on Jun 19, 2009 11:32 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Sheed and Mcdyess
both decide they’ve had enough of Detroit, want to continue playing together and want another ring so they offer to split the MLE playing for the C’s.
by slamtheking on Jun 19, 2009 11:44 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Shawn Marion
realizes he’s not ‘the man’ type of player and follows Sheed/Mcdyess to the C’s accepting the LLE
by slamtheking on Jun 19, 2009 11:45 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Kidd
realizes there’s a championship storm a brewin’ in Boston and signs on for the vet min (he’s insanely wealthy, how much more money could he possibly need!!) and joins the team.
TA, Pruitt, BBD (S&T) and Scal become incredibly attractive to Sacramento and hand over Nocioni to the C’s.
New roster
Rondo, Ray, PP, KG, Perk
Sheed, Mcdyess, Marion, Kidd, House, Nocioni, Powe, Walker, Giddens
Now that’s an unrealistic Swag!
by slamtheking on Jun 19, 2009 12:00 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
sounds like
a team that could get swept by the Pistons in the Finals, if you follow the analogy
"We few, we happy few, we band of brothers" Henry V
by Jeff Clark on Jun 19, 2009 12:11 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
I follow but
I took that into account. Pistons couldn’t make the playoffs with who’s left and besides, being in the same conference would keep them out of the finals.
And failing that, we have Ubuntu which no Laker team has ever seen.
by slamtheking on Jun 19, 2009 12:19 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
You forgot about....
At the trade deadline, Shaq and Nowitzki get bought out and sign here for rest of the season… They help push us past the Pistons.
by funkstarrdeluxe on Jun 19, 2009 2:46 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
LeBron forces the Cavs to trade him to Sacramento.
(We definitely need the draft to be over with.)
by no kidding on Jun 19, 2009 12:08 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
"Chris Wallace does something dumb"
well, he already turned down an offer of Devin Harris for the #2
that’s pretty dumb
have fun being forced to trade Rubio for pennies on the dollar when he elects to just stay overseas
"We few, we happy few, we band of brothers" Henry V
by Jeff Clark on Jun 19, 2009 1:43 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Chris Wallace still can`t understand...
Why he didn`t win the 2007-08 Executive of The Year Award for pulling off the Kwame Brown-for-Pau Gasol trade!
by Title 18 on Jun 19, 2009 2:52 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
No hoops in 2009-10
Agents for LeBron, Dwyane Wade, Chris Paul, and Amare Stoudamire convince David Stern to cancel the 2009-2010 season so everyone can concentrate on positioning themselves for the free agent bonanza of July 2010.
by Sophomore on Jun 19, 2009 1:44 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Even bigger SWAG
Tukoglu decides he’s had enough of Howard and signs to the Celtic’s. Shaq gets traded to the Cavaliers. LeBron, sick of the cold weather (and Shaq already), signs with the Magic. Pau Gasol, goes back to the Grizzlies to play with his little brother. Jason Kidd begins playing in Europe. Kobe Bryant, wanting to prove he’s “the team” signs with the Raptors.
Teams in Playoffs: Celtics, Magic, Raptors, Grizzlies, Bulls, Lakers, Heat, Spurs, and Cavaliers.
2nd Round: Celtics, Magic, Bulls, and Cavaliers
Finals: Celtics and Bulls
Champion: Celtics
by Abhi on Jun 19, 2009 2:56 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
totally unbelievable SWAG
one of the rumors that we’ve heard about actually comes true
"We few, we happy few, we band of brothers" Henry V
by Jeff Clark on Jun 19, 2009 3:19 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
through the haze
G17 thanks for the laughs…now, I know that less than an ounce is no big deal in MA,,,but sometimes ya gotta back off…I’m just saying…
by Fastbreak1 on Jun 19, 2009 3:43 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Rondo eats hotwings before every home game
and has season ending hemorrhoid surgery in March.
by correcttitle on Jun 19, 2009 4:15 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
We get a break!
We just landed a 6’11 Power Forward with the best moves you ever saw. Sure, he’s a tad older than most of our players and a little heavier but you are gonna love him. He was just cut by the Timberwolves, can’t remember his name.
by Dipper on Jun 19, 2009 4:26 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Speaking of unreasonable predictions
Ray Allan and Rajon Rondo for Dwayne Wade, Mario Chalmers and James Jones works on the ESPN trade machine. If Wade says he is not resigning this summer, why not? Who could offer more? That would give Miami Rondo to build around and a huge expiring contract. They could go out and sign a lot of people next summer.
by John70 on Jun 19, 2009 5:32 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
LeBron voids the final year of his contract and signs with the Celtics for the vets minimum saying that he earns enough from endorsements. When asked why Boston, he says Ubuntu appeals to him.
by RebusRankin on Jun 19, 2009 6:42 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
SWAG ...
… what does this stand for again?
Thanks!
by TheGreenThumb on Jun 19, 2009 6:43 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
I try out for the Celtics.
They offer me the a guarnteed 10 year minimum contract and free tickets for my wife and kids, so I take it without thinking. I also beat out rondo for the PG spot. He gets traded for Rubio, who is groomed as my backup. We win #18.
by correcttitle on Jun 19, 2009 9:11 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
we are in the silly season and i am glad green 17 gets it. maybe john y. brown gets resurrected and brings phyllis george back to join tommy in the telecasts.
by nazzbo on Jun 19, 2009 9:34 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
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