NBA Announces 3-FER Status For Paul Pierce

by DRJ1 on Jan 20, 2011 12:06 AM EST

AP - By Oui R. Dopes

NEW YORK — Stu Jackson, Executive VP of Operations and NBA point man on player relations, announced in a press conference today that the league last month conferred '3-FER' status on forward Paul Pierce of the Boston Celtics. He explained, "We don't do this often. It's a tremendous honor, reserved for only the very best, most worthy players in the league. Truth is, they have to show greatness not only on the court, but also in the community in general. They have to be very special people. And I am very proud of Mr. Pierce. He truly deserves this."

In a press package released simultaneously with this announcement, the league office defined "3-FER" status as: "A special state of play conferred on certain players for whom all referees are then instructed to call only 1 foul for each 3 fouls actually committed on said player. This status is given only to very special players who, in the league's opinion, must be handicapped in this way in order to even out the competition, and allow opponents some possible way to compete with that player's team."

In related news, Paul Pierce announced today that he is changing his name to Paul Pinata.

When asked about his star's new name, Celtics' head coach Doc Rivers said: "Well, at least he kept the alliteration." Later, after shootaround, Kevin Garnett added: "It is what it is, man" -- then smacked himself in the head.
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UPDATE: When questioned after the news conference, Jackson admitted: "Yes, players on some teams are more likely to get this honor than others. And yes, sure, the Celtics are definitely at the top of our list."

Be respectful and keep it clean. Thanks.

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Comments

???

This is obviously a joke…
…right? :/

by GreenPhilly on Jan 20, 2011 3:43 AM EST reply actions

Excuse my temporary belief in this...

It’s late.

by GreenPhilly on Jan 20, 2011 3:46 AM EST up reply actions

Np :))

by DRJ1 on Jan 20, 2011 7:24 AM EST up reply actions

I heard Big Baby said.....

“Now I don’t wanna be Paul anymore. Too dangerous. But that’s ok, I still wanna be KG, RayRay, Rondo, Shaq… and a little bit of Nate and Doc. I should get there next week. You’ll see, man, you’ll see when I play… I’ll be hittin’ three, four three-pointers a game!”

We got a great team, don’t we :)

by DRJ1 on Jan 20, 2011 7:26 AM EST reply actions

No, Baby would say....

I’ll show you…I’ll even be hitting 4-pointers.

But I love Baby. Love his silliness too-need more of it in the world.

by mmbaby on Jan 29, 2011 12:18 PM EST up reply actions

Haha, nice Doc.

Sadly though, this is only about 50% untrue… they just don’t actually put a name on it.

"Phil is obviously a good coach. You don't win that many games without being a damn good coach, ... Remember one thing: He's been very fortunate. He picks his spots. That's all I can say." - Red Auerbach

by Sizzlack on Jan 20, 2011 9:47 AM EST reply actions