Let's be honest: LeBron James is probably the best individual basketball player in the world, and as such, he more than likely has the ability to ignore whatever lame attempts to make him lose his cool opposing teams and fans throw his way. That being said, in this upcoming matchup against the Miami Heat, probably the biggest non-Lakers/Celtics playoff series in the history of History, there's no reason we can't entertain ourselves, right? Let's get to it.
#5: Celebrate "Mother's Day At the Garden"
Instead of handing out flowers and discounts for families, the Celtics should give the first 10,000 fans who arrive at TD Banknorth Garden bobbleheads of both Delonte West and Gloria James. In the same vein, West should tattoo the word GLORIA across the front of his neck. Come on, Delonte, you're already covered in ink. Take one for the team!
#4: Sing "Ohio Is For Lovers" by Hawthorne Heights Whenever He Gets the Ball
This song itself is (how do I put this nicely?) emo garbage, and I only recommend it for the purpose of messing with LeBron.
But by this point, LeBron has been booed heartily in every arena around the country. Guys? That ain't gonna cut it anymore. We need to try something new. One of the most entertaining things about watching soccer on ESPN is hearing the rabid home crowd all singing a song together supporting their team (sometimes) or (more often) taunting the opponent. The chorus to Ohio Is For Lovers features the words "I can't make it on my own/ because my heart is in Ohio." Can we get the entire Boston crowd to roar this over and over whenever LeBron has the rock?
#3: Bring Up Old Scars
Every time Boston makes a big shot in the series, instead of doing the Three Goggles or Ray-Ray's two fingered "Count it!" sign, Celtics' players should run back down the floor holding their elbows, screaming in mock pain. Also, if the C's are ahead by 15 or more with under 30 seconds left in any of the games, someone (I really don't care who) HAS to try a left handed free throw.
#2: Announce His Name Wrong
We all know LeBron has, well, a bit of an ego. Don't you think it would irritate him to hear "Aaand starting at small forward for the Miami Heat, number six, Christian Eyenga!" Or after a monster, momentum jarring dunk to hear the announcer mumble "Eyenga" as unenthusiastically as possible? Instead of a disappointed "OOooohh..." noise coming from the crowd, this would probably make everyone crack up, which would be incredibly disconcerting for the Heat. Sounds like a win-win to me.
I'm aware, I'm a wee bit petty. Speaking of which...
#1: Attack His Self-Esteem Like 4th Graders
By this point, EVERYONE knows that LeBron wears his headband high on his head to hide his male-pattern baldness. Some call this insecurity; I call it ammunition. Several Celtics have perfectly smooth, hairless heads already (Ray Allen, both O'Neal brothers, and KG), but Pierce, Rondo, Delonte and Baby could all shave their locks back to LeBron's point of no return. Better yet, the bald Celtics could draw receding hairlines on themselves with a Sharpie. Poor Nenad can just leave his hair the way it is.
Any male Celtics fans in attendance should do the same.
Got other better, more petty ideas? Let me hear some good suggestions!
Check out more of my posts about the NBA in general at Gymratrants.blogspot.com