Harry Potter And The Deathly Free Throws

Happy Harry Potter Day everyone.  It is the offseason and worse yet, a lockout offseason, so that means we'll have plenty of time for stretching our creative limbs and having a little fun.  In honor of the saga-ending movie release, I'd like to draw loose but hopefully comical comparisons between the Celtics (and the NBA) and the Harry Potter series.  Enjoy!

Harry Potter: The boy we've all watched grow up and blossom into The Chosen One - that has to be Paul Pierce.  He's had his ups and downs, but in the end he's always had the courage and skill to step up when he was needed most.  He's the Captain, the face of the franchise, and he gave us a banner as the MVP of the Finals.  I'd stand behind him against any Wizards (be it from Washington or Azkaban).

Hermione Granger: Let's see: logical, amazing work ethic, standout student, highly competent, ...I'm going with Ray Allen.  Note: I'm obviously disregarding gender here, so no mental images of Ray snogging Ron Weasley ...oops, too late.  Moving on.

Ron Weasley: He's a trusty sidekick, prone to saying whatever pops into his head, and fiercely loyal. I have to say that sounds an awful lot like Kevin Garnett.  I would like to think I just earned Gryffindor 20 cup points for creativity on that one.

The Harry Potter movies have their Big 3 and so do we.  But that's just where the fun starts!  We need some good old fashioned villains, so here's a few to chew on:

Voldemort: The powerful, evil nemesis who is at the heart of everything Harry stands against:  I'm gonna have to go with Kobe Bryant.  Do I think Kobe is evil?  No, not really.  But every impression I have of the guy is that he's just not very nice.  He's a Laker, which makes him the enemy (and not in a friendly Magic-Bird sort of way).  I respect his talent, but I legitimately can't wait till this guy retires so I don't have to watch him any more.

Draco Malfoy: A petulant, childish, wannabe bad guy that hasn't actually accomplished anything.  Sure sounds like LeBron James to me.  Don't think I even have to expound on this as it would just be piling on (and hey, there's plenty of time for that all summer).

Other Death Eaters: Phil Jackson (Delores Umbridge?), Pat Riley (Lucius Malfoy?), Isaiah Thomas (Peter Pettigrew?), Bill Laimbeer (Bellatrix Lestrange?)

Back to the good guys.

Albus Dumbledore: Of course the patriarch who passed away has to be Red Auerbach.  No further explanation necessary.

The Teachers: I couldn't come up with a very good one-to-one comparison but Doc and Danny have to be the teachers and/or adults.  Maybe you could make the case that Doc and Pierce had a little Sirius Black adopts Harry Potter thing going on.  Perhaps Ainge could be Remus Lupin.  Feel free to fill in the gaps here for me if you like.

Severus Snape: He's elusive, aloof, and has been extremely polarizing to the fans.  Sounds like Rajon Rondo to me.  (That was a tough one)

Rubeus Hagrid: Let's see, big, fierce but lovable, that's got to be Kendrick Perkins.

Other Good Wizards: Brian Scalabrine (Neville Longbottom?), James Posey (Mad Eye Moody), Gerald Green (Luna Lovegood?), Lucky (Dobby)

Enjoy the movie.  And if you really can't stand the Harry Potter series, then thanks for making it to the end of this anyway!  Cheers.