1. Kevin Garnett for JaVale McGee and Rashard Lewis

The Wizards will do this if Kevin will do this. Don't worry, he'd retire before he'd waste a year as a bullet. They might do it anyway... If you think McGee could be something with the right coaching and the right team, you might be in favor of doing this (I don't).

2. Ray Allen for Michael Beasley and Luke Ridnour/JJ Barea

Assurances would be required, of course, that Beasley could be retained. MInnesota might look at this and think Rubio-Love-Allen-Williams-Milicic is a playoff team. I hate this deal.

3. Ray Allen for Enes Kanter and Raja Bell or Paul Pierce for Enes Kanter + Raya Bell and all of Utah's garbage

The amount of muscle on the Jazz is ridiculous, and Bell is a liability. The Jazz probably wouldn't take this deal, but they'd have to think about it. They are a playoff team this year and next year, but they have enough young pieces that you can't really call it a window. Either way, this is a horrible idea and it makes me want to punch you right in the nuts for suggesting it.

4. Paul Pierce for Luol Deng

This is a great win-now move for the Bulls and a solid, young piece for the Celtics. I would rather eat a burrito stuffed with live bol weevils.

5. Ray Allen for Mo Williams and Eric Bledsoe

This gives the Clippers the floor spacer they need and it gives us someone who might have a future at the point. The idea of Ray for so little makes me want to drive thumb tacks through my eyelids.

6. Paul Pierce for Danilo Gallinari and Al Harrington

Harrington and Gallinari are both disappointing, but Harrington's contract is probably reasonable enough that the Nuggets turn this down, window or no window. Still, they'd probably think about it. I would probably think about throwing myself into a tank of alligators.

Feel free to add your own realistic and desperately depressing suggestions in the comments. So help me god, though, if one more person suggests something like Jermaine O'Neal for OJ Mayo because it works on the goddamn ESPN trade machine, I will find you and I will pull you into the alligator tank with me.