baby daddy - Steve Mitchell-US PRESSWIRE
There's been a lot of crying and soiling going on, but this baby has time to grow.
The NBA gave birth this season to a full term, full season baby. It came all wrapped up in a new CBA blanket embroidered with some new fuzzy little flopping rules. It was delivered like a bundle of joy on October 30th 2012. Length? 82 Games and a few playoffs. Weight? A few pounds shy of Home of The Big Baby Burgers being served in Orlando with fries. Height? Somewhere between a juiced up Nate Robinson and a rookie Unibrow.
Before the baby could soil its first diaper, the Daddy of all Commissioners, David "TheStork" Stern said he doesn't wasn't to be the father of the NBA anymore and is retiring. Oh what a pity to leave the NBA as a virtual orphan. Rumor has it that he and Tom Donaghy are starting up a Professional Referee Training School and a Sports Book style casino right outside of Las Vegas called "We Train Em and You Pick Em".
The Big Goofy (Dwight Howard) arrived in LA LA Land direct from the Magic Kingdom (via Brooklyn) and immediately announced...he had a sore back. Ohhhh...that's too bad. He has thus far played six games in his new clown outfit. With all the hype he has positioned himself solidly as 16th in the league in rebounding while Passive Pau Gasol ranks higher up the scale in rebounding. Nice start Goofy.
The Big Goofy however has brought his good luck charisma with him from Orlando as he already helped put another coach out of a job, and also managed to somehow put a spell on Steve Nash. Nash has a fracture in his leg and managed only 8 assists in the two he games he was able to play. Hurry back little Stevie so you can catch an elbow upside the head from the ever so gentle Metta World Peace. Now that Steve Nash has decided to use shampoo this season, and is rocking a new hair style with no grease, I doubt the World Peace WWF cheap shot will slide of your head as easy as it does on a big beard.
Speaking of the aforementioned Big Beard James Harden (or as Mensa candidate Tony Allen called him: "James Harding") is riding big on a Texas sized firework called a Rocket. It's always nice to see someone demand big money, get traded and for at least two weeks prove they deserve it. I am not sure, but I think rockets have to work harder than just some occasional thunder and lightning over Oklahoma. Good luck James.
Two weeks after "The Stork" delivers us this new baby of a season are there any surprises to this two-headed (conference) baby? Let me give you just a few random facts/stats and you make the call. Your three choices are: "Surprise" "Same Old Stuff",or "Please let the Wheel of Misfortune stop Spinning Before I Decide". Please also add your own facts/stats you find interesting or amusing.
Rondo is leading the League is Assists. - I see this as the Same old Stuff. The guy is a workhorse. I checked to see where he was in turnovers so far? Not even in the Top 15. Rondo I hope Doc doesn't ride you down from a workhorse to sway back horse.
The number one rebounder in the league is Zach Randolph Huh? He has always been a good rebounder but has he ever finished in the Top 10? I don't know, but again it is nice to see the Duh-wight Howard at #16 and I hope he stays there. Zach leading the Pack, now that's a surprise!
The Knicks are the only unbeaten team remaining at 4-0 after two weeks. - This is a sort of a surprise to me. Does it you? I would also call this Choice #3 mentioned above, "Please Let the Wheel of Misfortune stop Spinning Before I Decide". The Knicks seem to always find a way to create their own Hurricane Sandy and wash their season hopes out to sea.
The Spurs are once again immediately counted out as "too old" - Hold the wheelchair shipment, because yet once again the "Same Old Stuff" appears. The Spurs have only one loss and six wins. These old folks are off to a very good start. Tim Duncan is apparently not headed to early retirement in St Croix anytime soon. He looks like he had a nice long Caribbean vacation and didn't sip too much sugar cane rum while sprawled out in his extra long beach lounger. Good for Timmy and the Spurs, but no real surprise to me. I am fond of old people.
Quick Quiz - Who leads the NBA thus far in 3 Point Attempts, and is #2 in % of3PTS Made? ......wait for it ......The New York Knicks!!! You don't win rings or hoist up banners by shooting threes more frequently than King James does commercials. So New York keep shooting from downtown Manhattan and we will all enjoy watching the wheel of your misfortune spin like a hurricane headed out to sea.
As as side note I thought the Celtics, were taking way too many threes this season.Oh but is often the case I was wrong. The C's have the third fewest attempts of 3pt attempts in the league so far at 14.3 per game. I was shocked it was this low. The Knicks on the other hand jack-up 29.3 three's per game. True, it is only four game statistics for the Knicks, but apparently Carmelo doesn't like the smell of paint.
How bad are the Celtics in Turnovers so far? Answer: Same Old Stuff. They are 19th in the league in most turnovers per game. So basically being in the middle of the pack in this category probably doesn't have Doc swelling up with pride, but it did make me feel better - at least until the next bad pass resulting in a fast break.
Let me add one final Knick stat, because I am too old to beat a live horse and I like beating this one. The Knicks have the fewest turnovers per game. Of course that is not surprising if your offense is apparently primarily based upon crossing the half court line and quickly launching a 45 ft Downtown Carmelo Special.
Paul Pierce is #11 in PPG after 6 games. - I would call this somewhat surprising,and also somewhat disappointing. While I love to see Paul Pierce scoring the ball and healthy, the Celtics are a "Team" in the best sense. They are not a roster full of players seeking personal statistical glory. This means, as we all know, other people on this team are not yet stepping up like they should. The team has yet to refine the rhythm and flow of their team game. Like all of you, I don't care who on our team leads, and/or ranks high in individual statistics. It's Wins, It's Banners and It's Rings. With that being said, to see Paul Pierce still playing so well at his age is a great thing to witness.
Who is dead last in offensive rebounding in the NBA thus far? - This is absolutely the easiest statistic to grasp. I hate it, I have always hated it, and I will continue to hate it!!!!! The Celtics!!!! Yes, we are a high percentage shooting team so we have fewer opportunities for offensive boards. Yes, I know that Doc places much more priority of Transition D than he does offensive rebounds. I know all the things that several of you point out ever so often. However that still doesn't change my mind. If I could change two things about the Celtics it would be to be more aggressive on the offensive boards and to be so much better on "boxing out" on the defensive boards. We are OFFENSIVE on rebounds - period. I would donate money to hire Tommy Heinsohn to be the rebounding coach. This should be our Christmas present to the Celtics.
The Charlotte Bobcats are only 2.5 games out of first and have a better winning percentage than the Fakers - The Wheel of Misfortune will continue to haunt the Bobcats despite the nice play of Michael Kidd-Gilchrist and Kemba Walker. However, it is nice to say that Bobcats are out playing the Fakers and their early record proves it. I can't say that about the Pistons as they are 0-7. Pistons and Fakers doing poorly?I love it. Yes I am a Celtic - and it shows.
Bynum has a new Fro, but the same bad knees. - I would feel pretty happy about this except the 76er's seem to have the Celtics number so far this season, and the new supposed "Beast in the East" hasn't even stepped on the floor yet. If he has to get better, and I wouldn't lose any sleep if he doesn't, I can only hope when he does return to the court that he slows down their offense. I also hope he can't jump any higher than Sully on a good day. I am assume non of you are surprised by his bad knees and none of you still want him as a Celtic? Is Raef LeFrench still available?
Let me close by saying a couple of hopeful things. I hope the next two weeks of this growing new baby of an NBA season shows the Celtics progressing to the point that all the new Celtic players (young and old) are wearing green Huggie Pull-Ups instead of just baby diapers.
I hope Phil Jackson returns to the Fakers and that he and The Big Goofy can't get along .The Zen Master and Dwight not getting along and Metta World Peace is forcedto broker a settlement. That makes me laugh. This sounds like a good Dr Suess book in the making. I might work on that.
Finally, you may have noticed that I never mentioned the team in Florida in the joyous rant. I just figured that loud obnoxious noises aren't good for young growing children.There will be plenty of time for those bad influences as the season grows older.
Peace from Po and Celtic Pride!