Reading (Too Much) Into What Danny Ainge Says

The first and last rule of trade season is that everyone is lying about something. There's lots of smoke out there and some of it comes from fire and some of it comes from burnt meatloaf. We're just getting started and Danny Ainge isn't officially saying anything different than he's said all along - which is nothing of note.

But since I'm bored, I won't let that stop me from reading (too much) into what he says. For amusement purposes (at least my own) I've translated what he means after each quote.

Ainge: No move for 'sake of doing it'

"It totally depends on what opportunities are there. I don't feel like I have to do something just for the sake of doing it,"

I really WANT to do something. Please call me if you are a GM.

"If there's a way to improve, we'll do it."

There's nowhere to go but up, so I'm willing to do anything. Again, call me, my number is 555-BLOWN-UP.

Asked if he thought his team would be active at the March 15 trade deadline, Ainge said that it was too early to tell. "I don't know. I could see it either way,"

If all goes according to plan, we'll have an expansion roster and an 18 game losing streak in April. Or maybe we'll do nothing and every other contender will have season ending injuries and we'll coast to another title. Or maybe we'll trade for Dwight and Deron and make a run at the next 5 championships. (Picks up poker from fireplace, smashes vase) You wanna get nuts? Lets get nuts!

"We've had a lot of discussions and we'll continue to have discussions but we'll only do things that help us in the long-term."

I have a routine. Every day over breakfast I field calls for Rajon Rondo offers. During lunch I call all the GMs offering them Jermaine O'Neal for anything they have. At dinner I wine and dine other team owners selling them on the merits of KG's defense and leadership.

Ainge added that the Celtics situation is complicated and, "You have to be creative but you have to be disciplined. Not every move is the finished product. There are moves along the way that need to be done to set the table for future moves."

I'm currently working on a 29 team deal. We thought about including the Heat but we all collectively decided to leave them out of it just for spite. We seem to be hung up on how to split Dwight Howard 3 ways. I think the last proposal included a time share of him in Orlando, Brooklyn, and Golden State. Stay tuned.

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