An Honest Purveyor of Kool Aid

Promoted FanPost

I know I have a reputation for writing fan posts that have a certain perspective. Some of you might pull out that my faith in the Celtics is strong. I heard someone use the word pathological once, but I think that's because they meant my enthusiasm is infectious. In any case, it should be no surprise that I'm excited about the incoming NBA season. Partially because I want to get memories of inept referees and Shane Battier out of my head. But mostly because this Celtics squad looks to be pretty epic. This is the most excited I've been about a Celtics team in the history of awesome. Or at least as excited as I've been since the offseason last year, which is basically the same thing.

I believe it is possible for this Celtics squad to be the best team in the NBA this season. I know a fair amount of that will involve luck. Or calling Battier for grabbing and lane violations. Or, god forbid, Wade getting called for traveling, but I digress. I want to lay down my prediction for the upcoming season and give you the opportunity to share the activity with me.

Let me open by saying I believe the Celtics to be the deepest most lethal team in the NBA. For anyone that wants to disagree, I would like to enter into evidence Paul Pierce. I know that argument was adequate due to the fact that he is the Truth. And the Truth is the opposite of lies, so I couldn't lie and invoke the Truth simultaneously. It'd be confusing.

Okay, so, bad news first. I really think the C's are only going to win 80 games during the season. Now, I know what you're thinking. I already pointed out that the C's have Paul Pierce. So 80 probably seems like a low number. But I think Pierce is going to be really limited in minutes this season to keep him fresh for the playoffs. Also I think the rookies are going to get a lot of run this season. Now before a half million people tell me that Doc never plays rookies, I will point out Glen Davis and Leon Powe got a lot of time in 2008 because they could both play. Where other rookies like Bill Walker for example didn't see playing time because, well, he couldn't.

Okay so before Bradley comes back and after Bradley comes back the C's are going to look like two different teams. The first team will be firing at an historic clip. Experts will have to include the Celtics on the list of the best teams in the NBA. So whenever anyone talks about the Heat, they'll be talking about the C's (despite the 20 point dismantling beat down the C's lay on the Heat in the very first game of the season). So the C's will be lumped in with all the elite teams and the weekly discussion will be about which of them is better. Or which of them has the best chance to upset the C's before the finals. But when Bradley comes back with his two surgically repaired shoulders of awesomeness, then the C's will be a different animal entirely. A beastly unforgiving animal that feeds on fear, hate jealousy, and ambition . . . like my ex. Just like Sarah that beast will leave a terrible swath of destruction, crushing hopes and dreams in a terrible maw of dunks, blocks and assists.

The experts will all acknowledge with terror that the Celtics squad is better than they could have realized. And worse that it was possible that all the broken dreams shattered in glittering pieces behind the Celtics destructive winning season may dishearten all the millions of people that wore Kobe and Lebron jerseys. And the world will debate whether Rondo, KG, or Pierce is the most critical and therefore the most worthy. The debate will run so hot in Thailand that the UN will need to involve themselves to save the innocents.

In the end the only reason the Celtics will lose any games at all is because the last four games of the season Doc will lend various players to the opposing squad (replacing their starters essentially) so as to practice in case of injuries for the playoff rotation. The first two the C's will win handily. The final two games of the season with both KG and the Truth playing for the opposition it'll be too much for the remaining C's to overcome. It will be revealed in the offseason that Doc did so strategically first to make the team hungry in the playoffs after experiencing the loss. Secondly it was to leave the record of perfection on the table so that next season he could motivate the team with that. Doc, always the planner, always a few moves ahead.

So that's my thoughts on the upcoming season. I think as soon as the Olympics are over and the whole NBA has to realize what the Celtics are going to be next year . . . well I'll just say I hope they've got their diapers on to cut down on mess. Because the Celtics are coming. The Celtics are coming.

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