Truth be told, we have no idea how this off-season will shake out for the Celtics. So let’s just have fun, and by "have fun," I mean create the most preposterous off-season rebuild I can think of. This plan is a three-trade, kamikaze flight into oblivion, with the end result being historic glory or a shameful trip to the bottom of the ocean. In order to make this happen, Danny Ainge would need a lot of luck, a lot of charisma/Red Bull, and the biggest cojones this side of the ozone layer. So, without further ado, let’s get loco, like Kevin Garnett muttering to himself while pounding his head into the stanchion loco.
Trade 1: All You Need Is Love. The Celtics trade Jared Sullinger, Jeff Green, Joel Anthony, Celtics’ 2014 1st-rounder, L.A. Clippers’ 2015 1st-rounder, and a XXL Steak Nachos from Taco Bell to Minnesota for Kevin Love. Because…well…c’mon, Minnesota. He’s leaving. Have a good cry and let’s move on.
Trade 2: It Must Be The Honey! The Celtics trade Kris Humphries (S&T), Keith Bogans, Brandon Bass, Kelly Olynyk, Brooklyn’s 2014 1st-rounder, the right to swap picks in 2015, Brooklyn’s 2016 1st-rounder, Celtics’ 2018 1st-rounder, and a lifetime supply of Honey Nut Cheerios to the New York Knicks for Carmelo Anthony. The Knicks do this because Phil Jackson knows he has no chance to build a contender this off-season. Letting Carmelo go is the best thing for Carmelo and for the Knicks. Why would the Celtics want Carmelo? Buckets… because of buckets.
Trade 3: Putting the D in Dynasty. The Celtics trade Avery Bradley (S&T), Gerald Wallace, Celtics’ 2016 1st-rounder, the right to swap picks in 2017, Brooklyn’s 2018 1st-rounder, a copy of "Russell Rules," and 500 #thereturn t-shirts to Chicago for Joakim Noah. The Bulls do this because #thereturn is turning into #Mr.Glass, #hit-the-reset-button, and #every-rose-has-it-torn. Derrick Rose has played 10 regular season games in 2 full-calendar years. He’s coming back to a team that prides itself on out-working opponents and being intense. He’s coming back to a coach that drives his players like they’re stock cars. You’re telling me the D-Rose situation is going to end well for Chicago? SERIOUSLY?
These trades would give us a roster of Rajon Rondo (12.9 M), Chris Johnson (.9 M), Carmelo Anthony (23.3 M), Kevin Love (15.7 M), Joakim Noah (12.2 M), Phil Pressey (.8 M), Chris Babb (.8 M), Vitor Faverani (2 M). 68.6 Million total. With the tax cap projected to be 77 Million for next year, the Celtics would have to fill out the rest of the roster with cheap-cheap contracts. Obviously, this would be a very top-heavy roster, but we’re being crazy, remember?
Why should the Celtics do it? 4 all-stars, 1 team, equals championship or bust, every year. Why shouldn’t they do it? If these four guys don’t re-sign on team-friendly deals, well…game over for the Celtics…for like ten years. This is the ultimate "all-in" situation. If it works; Danny gets a statue, if it doesn’t; Danny Ainge becomes He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named.
So that’s my crazy, off-season dream. What’s yours?