If you can't find one of these that you find funny, you officially have no sense of humor (Or you're Mark Blount).
It was inevitable that I was going to come round to this subject in the end. I toyed with the idea of doing a balanced, mature, piece about how Mark is misunderstood and how it is evident that he is perhaps struggling to come to terms with a new coaching regime where the youngsters get given constant guidance whilst the veterans are expected to continue to contribute. Then again, he may have felt more comfortable as a member of a team full of "battle-tested veterans" (overachieving underdogs?) than one with talent and (probably too much) confidence.
I also considered launching into an unrelenting tirade at the guy who, so it would seem, played hard for six months to get a big contract and then acted like he was completely disinterested in his teammates, or the success of the franchise. Maybe, though, there are reasons behind this and I would hate to write anything that was unfair or inaccurate.
In the end, I figured it would be remiss of me to neglect an opportunity to do some "volume" punning. I have therefore come up with 99 possible new nicknames for the big fella from Yonkers, whose teammates apparently call "Big Basic". Some juvenile, some clever, some silly, some harsh, some fair.
As of right now, Mark is a Celtic and so I will continue to support him. These names are just a bit of fun and nobody will be happier than me if he turns things around. Do I think that's likely? Let's just say I am cautiously pessimistic.
By the way, if you think these are bad, you should have seen the 48 possibilities I bumped from the list for being too unfunny, potentially litigious, factually inaccurate or someone else's idea.
1. Big Payslip
2. Mark Blown-it
3. Mark Clownt
4. Mark Bleuch
5. Markus Bambi
6. The Basketball Judas
7. The Tin-Man
8. Hollow Man
9. Mark "Less Talent than Corey" Blount
10. Blount Muffmore
11. Paula Abdul JaBlount
12. Fumblebee
13. Count Von Blount
14. MB-ryo
15. Mark "Useless Oaf" Blount
16. Mark Blunder
17. Mark Clunk
18. Muffballs
19. Mark Blonut
20. Mark "Ten Green Bobbles" Blount
21. Mark "Future Knicks Bench Warmer" Blount
22. Chewie
23. Greedo
24. Jar-Jar Blount
25. Blounty Hunter
26. Droppy McCool
27. Blount Puke-u
28. Mark "Revenge of the Stiff" Blount
29. The Blount-cast
30. Blou Ming
31. Pokemon
32. Fumblerooski
33. The Corpse
34. Mark Flounce
35. Mark Blown-out
36. Basic He-stinked
37. Marky-Mark Tall-Jerk
38. Mark Blousy
39. Mark Blummox
40. Mark "Money Grabbing Traitor" Blount
41. Mark "Anthony Becht" Blount
42. Blount Huffmore
43. Mark Burnout
44. Big Lump Of Unnecessarily Negative Turd
45. Mark Boooooolount
46. Mark Pout
47. Jerk Blount
48. Mark "Vin was drunk - what's your excuse?" Blount
49. Gentle Ben
50. Master Splinter
51. Blubbering Blount
52. Mark Bloated-Wallet
53. The Deadman
54. Mark "Once had 21 rebounds in a game" Blount
55. Mark "Grumpy, Bashful, Dopey and Other Dwarf-like Qualities" Blount
56. Mark Junk
57. The Rebound Repeller
58. Cry Baby Blounting
59. Mark "2006 NBA Most Improved Player" Blount
60. Mark "Jumbo Elliott" Blount
61. Mark Blob
62. Mr Greedy
63. Mr Grumpy
64. Mr Clumsy
65. Mr Useless
66. Mark Blooper
67. I Can't Believe It's Not Butterfingers
68. Mark "Et Tu, Blounte?" Blount
69. The $40M Question
70. The Blount Object
71. Mark Blo*** *unt
72. Mrs Blountfire
73. The Anorexic Thomas Hamilton
74. Mark Blockhead
75. Mark "Cut By The Seahawks" Blount
76. The Round Mound of Crap
77. Droppy Drawers
78. Mark Blowup
79. Mark "What's the point in you being reliable from 15-18 feet, when the bench is 30 feet away from the basket?" Blount
80. Mark Bl-Ouch
81. Drop Tart
82. B. A. Blountracus
83. Mark "Only 5 years to go" Blount
84. Clubhand
85. Mark "About to form a rock band with Scott Stapp called 'Greed'" Blount 86. The Yonkers Yoke
87. Mark "As productive as me during the last three games of the playoffs" Blount
88. Blountasaurus
89. The Blountain of Goof
90. Mark "They Shoot Dead Horses, Don't They?" Blount
91. The Yeti From Yonkers
92. Edward Slippy-hands
93. Thirty-Dumpling
94. Mark "A Less Graceful Acie Earl" Blount
95. Blount Crapula
96. Mark "Drop and give me 20" Blount
97. Mark Broke
98. Justin Greed
99. Mark "99 Nicknames" Blount