"Iâ€™ll take â€˜Boston Celticsâ€™ for the year 2000, Alex.â€
â€œThe answer: fans of this once proud, storied franchise would best characterize Danny Aingeâ€™s tenure as general manger as this...â€
â€œWhat is...more active than the Jackson family cosmetic surgeon...yet similarly incapable of producing tangible beautifying results?â€
â€œThat is correct. Depending on your perspective, we also would have accepted â€˜slowly but steadily progressiveâ€™, â€˜deceptive and falsely promisedâ€™ or â€˜who the hell still cares about the Celtics...I wish those wicked retahded Bostonians would stop flooding Chris Sheridanâ€™s inbox with questions about one of the worst teams in the leagueâ€™.â€
Sorry, Chris and annoyed others, you better get used to the chat-room questions and emails, because this latest, brash and compelling episode of Danny and the Celtics: The Melodrama Continues, is so ripe with conflict that itâ€™s about to make The Young and the Restless seem like The Old and the Once Promiscuous, by comparison.
Thatâ€™s right, sensationalist public, from the creative team that brought you such familiar classics as â€œDanny vs. Antoine: Friendship and Backstabbing, Death, Resurrection, and Re-affirmation,â€ and â€Pedophilia: The Benefits of Drafting Youth Over Experience,â€ comes perhaps Producer Aingeâ€™s most controversial project to date, the true story of his own current predicament, entitled: â€œSearching for an Answer...But Sorry, I Still Donâ€™t Have One.â€
Given the episodeâ€™s title, internet rumors persist, that the storyline will, indeed, chronicle the famed Celtic GMâ€™s attempts at trading for dwindling-box-office sensation A.I....ironically dubbed â€œThe Answerâ€ by confused, banner-deprived fans in Philly. While the showâ€™s executive producers wonâ€™t confirm or deny the internet reports, what they will admit, is that trader Danny has, indeed, been making ongoing attempts to exchange half the cast of his reality show for another big-name star to complement currently overwhelmed centerpiece, Paul Pierce.
But isnâ€™t half the team too large of a price to pay? An increasingly unruly Boston community wants to have its proverbial cake, and eat it too, continuing to assert that it want results now, without sacrificing its future. â€œIâ€™m really excited about possibly getting A.I. from Phillyâ€ states an anonymous fan, â€œas long as we donâ€™t give up Pierce, Jefferson, Green, Perkins, Gomes, West, Rondo, or a #1 pick to get him."
â€œOh,â€ he continued, â€œand Iâ€™d prefer to keep Powe and Telfair, as well, if at all possible. But youâ€™ve gotta make some sacrifices, you know?â€
Other fans contend that thereâ€™s nothing wrong with the current Celticsâ€™ cast, as is, aside from the fact that no-one has yet been able to produce a performance worthy of an Academy Award. For this, they blame the coach; Jefferson, Green, Perkins, and others are not bad actors; Celtics supporters insist, they simply havenâ€™t been schooled by a director capable of figuring out how to incorporate the budding talents that producer Ainge has already brought onboard the project.
As representatives for the Celtics insist that the project continues to evolve, and further, that it promises to become a commercial and critical smash hit by the year 2020 at the latest, Celtics Nation understandably grows more impatient by the day. â€œFifteen years? Thatâ€™s like four decades away!â€ riles angry Bostonian â€œMarkyâ€ Mark Wahlberg.
Stay tuned for more information concerning the latest developments in the Danny and the Celtics series, and be sure to keep an eye out for future episodes, including the highly anticipated â€œWhile Canoeing with Danny in Harsh Waters, Doc is Rivered.â€