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The Tommy Heinsohn Drinking Game

My look at the recent Celtics/Magic game became too much of a tedious game blog. So I changed it up, considered the season as a whole, and made it a Tommy Heinsohn drinking game. It is an easier read, though just as uncreative. Two rules:

  1. Assume all quotes are attributed to Tommy.
  2. Drink every time that:
Tommy points out a mismatch. When I specifically looked for this I was astonished by how often it occurred. For example when Grant Hill hit a shot over Delonte West Tommy remarked, "West simply can't bother the shot, though he will have the speed advantage." I always remember the yelling and the rants but there really is a good deal of analysis. Tainted analysis a lot of the time, but analysis nevertheless.

Tommy says that he has not seen "insert call by a referee" in a "looong" time. Palming, 3 seconds, and moving screens fall into this category.

Tommy complains about Paul Pierce taking a beating and not getting a call.  For example, "Milicic was hurt and Pierce is hurt and they say there is no foul." Keep in mind that in no way was he arguing that Darko deserved the call. Or consider this classic example, "THEY'RE KILLING PAUL PIERCE!"

Tommy says that by hitting a certain shot "insert young Celitcs player" will be an All Star. Currently Gerald Green, Al Jefferson, and Rajon Rondo receive this treatment.

Tommy demands that a young shooter on the C's - Green, Ray, Rondo, West, or Telfair - take a shot that he just passed up. Interestingly, a lot of times Tommy cares more about making the right play than the result of it. That will come over time.

Tommy tells a story from his playing days. For example, "I blocked the first shot Dolph Schayes ever took against me and then never got another one. The reason? Great shooters have it down to the half inch."

Tommy praises Rondo for his style of play, "This kid will find players hustling up the floor. Just run with him and you'll get an easy hoop. The Celtics with Rondo are taking over the game."

Tommy gets lost in an analogy, "I'll tell you that up fake by Al is getting to be a devastating part of what he does.  Watch what happens.  He just teases the guy.  Down, down, a little up and...And you know why Battie went for it, because he gave those two down fakes and therefore he thought the next one was going to be a shot up.  Big Al mixing it up like a baseball pitcher.  You know inside, outside, high low, fastball, down and away..."

Tommy mocks political correctness like he did when Yao Ming hurt his finger. Or according to Tommy, "his chopstick finger."

Tommy yells, "Give the ball to Gerald!" or when he gets excited about a play by Green, "The high flyer and he gets the slammer!"

When Tommy busts out the maniacal laughter like in the middle of this clip.

Tommy criticizes an aspect of today's game that was absent when he played and coached. For example, according to Tommy, today's coaches force guys to try and block shots even when they have no chance. This leads to many injuries that like the one Jorge Garbajosa's suffered against the C's.

Tommy expresses his displeasure over the graphic used to highlight a Tommy point. He often wants to see mini Tommy give the thumbs up as a reward for a hustle play.

Tommy gives a Tommy Point.

Tommy dismisses the contributions of an opponent. For example he will downplay Josh Howard's offensive game because the Celtics focus so much on Dirk Nowitzki.

Tommy blatantly criticizes the officials. Happens a lot. "This guy is terrible!"

Tommy references Bill Russell. "Dwight Howard blocked that like Russell used to. He waited for it to come to him."

Tommy references Bob Cousy. This generally occurs when a player throws a fancy pass that becomes a turnover. "Cousy always had a purpose when he went behind the back..."

Tommy references any other past Celtic, "Rondo is the first guy since John Havlicek to really bother the offense when he faces a 3-1." Larry Bird, Dave Cowens, DJ, and numerous others fall into this category of players who don't get as many references as the Couz and Russell.

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