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Women and Point Guards

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This is something I wrote back in the fall. At the very least it is odd. Although there is a better chance that it is simply creepy. I wish I were drunk when I wrote it. Anyways I've been having trouble writing anything of note over the last couple of days. So now is as good a time as any to post this. Just a few things to clear up:

  1. I do not generally equate point guards with women.
  2. This makes more sense, if it makes any sense at all, if you were born in the early 80s.
  3. I hope none of my omissions were too egregious.
  4. This really is weird. Do not think less of me.
My track record with women (point guards) is a long, strange and ultimately pathetic one.  I vaguely recall an older woman who was a borderline Hall of Famer (Dennis Johnson) and needless to say was out of my league. She was followed by a woman, who unbeknownst to me at the time was only attractive because I was so much younger (John Bagley). If we had been the same age I would have been less impressed.  She hung around with another woman who blossomed once she was far away from me (Brian Shaw in L.A.). And then it happened. I met my first love. Maybe she was only particularly skilled at one act (Sherman Douglas and his floater) and probably was better in memory than in reality. But even now I am not alone (Tommy Heinsohn) in mentioning her often.  Then there were other women. One (Dee Brown) was flashy and exciting at first (Dunk Contest) and over time disappointing. Another was miscast and ultimately better off without me (David Wesley). Then along came a woman who almost gave me a STD and broke me in the process (Kenny Anderson). At one point during that roller coaster relationship I had another brief one in which I showed a great lack of foresight (Chauncey Billups). This set off a chain reaction of brief, disappointing encounters with women (Chucky Atkins and Milt Palacio), which included one episode that was over before it even started (Lindsey Hunter). And don't even get me started on that short lived relationship that involved drugs (Chris Herren). Out of nowhere I met a smoking hot chick that ended up being well past her prime (Gary Payton). To add insult to injury she found a better place (Miami) and actually had a minor resurrection just to taunt me. On the rebound I tried to latch on to an up and comer who ended up being damaged goods (Dan Dickau). Later I had a relationship, which was to put it nicely, chaotic at times (DUI) and eventually ended because it wasn't going anywhere (Orien Green).  Little did she know that I was grooming someone else (Delonte West). However, my efforts were doomed to fail because it did not feel natural.  And then of course I had to get a restraining order (trade) to create distance from another woman (Marcus Banks). Yes I had threatened to do this before (original Payton trade) but finally had to follow through on it (off to Minnesota).  So there I was desperate and almost ready to get out of the game. But along came an intriguing young lady (Sebastian Telfair) desperate for the right environment to put it all together. It was a high risk/reward case and in the back of my mind I remembered narrowly escaping a STD (Kenny Anderson). Yet I had little choice until a dark horse arrived out of nowhere (Rajon Rondo). And that is where the story gets interesting. There was an intense courting ritual (summer and pre-season) that the flashier woman (Telfair) actually won...sort of. I still loved the intangibles and personality of the dark horse (Rondo) and attempted the absurd move of trying to balance them. I was forced to choose, and desperately in need of a positive long-term relationship, I went with the personality (Rondo) over looks (Telfair). This was contrary to the advice and actions of others (Doc Rivers) who sought to balance them in a slightly different way. Then it got tricky. The flashier of the two reigned supreme until an old flame (Delonte) reclaimed the top spot. Finally over time the up and comer (Rondo) gained control and proved to be more than just a personality (basketball IQ, passing, quickness, and defense). Women (point guards) are exhausting.