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NBA Jam Chronicles: The Manual

By tomorrow I hope to get back in rhythm with the Celtics links. You'll have to excuse me as the whole 5 hours ahead is an interesting transition. In the meantime check out the latest on NBA Jam. And don't forget to read about about the all important on fire status.

The Manual
Page one stars off as follows:  

"Go to the hole. Go strong. Deliver the facial. Show them your stuff. And your 360° rimrocker. And a Tarzan slam for good measure. You're on fire! This is the NBA®, and you're playing NBA® Jam, the toughest two-on-two competition around and the only game in town!"
 
Ignore the fact that it reads like a 40-year-old person trying incredibly hard to sound hip and focus on those first 4 sentences. Sounds like a Lisa Sparxxx trailer doesn't it? And it does not end there. Page 11:
"Your player will only jam if he is moving, however, so be sure to drive towards the hole if you want to slam!"
 
Page one, second paragraph:
"Play with superstars from all 27 NBA® teams - from Ewing and Pippen in the East to Kemp and Robinson in the West - with veteran superstars like Malone and Parish to sensations like Mourning and Laettner - each with his own on-court personality and attributes."
 
I realize this was still fresh in everyone's memory.  But that reads like a classic "One of these things is not like the others..."  

Page 2 - Directions:  

"Make sure the power switch on your Sega Genesis is OFF."

That's just about enough of that, thank you very much. I realize this is not exciting. But it will pick up. Trust me.