Jeff kicked of the morning with some reasonable guesses and mild SWAGs. I went the other route in the spirit of the old Conan gag - in the Year 2000, what follows are some much wilder guesses, unfortunately I don't have LaBamba singing that creepy interlude between comments.
- The Suns decide that they should build around Amare Stoudemire and buyout Steve Nash (do they not realize that Nash is 46 years old?). Steve signs with Celts to backup Rajon Rondo. Ok that's a crazy wish. Even crazier, Nash plays tremendous on-the-ball defense.
- A ticked off Celtics team opens the season with a 24 and 0 stretch, losing its first game in Charlotte when Ray Allen misses the game to speak at the UN.
- Kevin Garnett strains his neck slamming his head into the basket stantion before tipoff at a game in February. He has to sit for two games to recover. Thereafter the Celtics start taping a pillow to the stantion at home games.
- For economic reasons, the Wolves trade Ryan Gomes to the Celtics for Scal plus our pick. No idea if that works cap wise tough - someone who likes playing with the trade machine can figure it out and tell me its wrong I'm sure.
- One of Ariza Odom and Hedo will wear a new uni next year.
- The economy crushes many teams. Big sellers are: Nets, Pacers, Bucks, Wolves, Warriors, Spurs, Suns and Wiz.
- Chris Wallace does something dumb (not that wild I suppose).
- The Suns trade Shaq to the Cavs. The new team starts off fantastically well, until Shaq accidently hurts Mo and Delonte while posing for a fake pregame picture, taking out the Cavs entire back court for the rest of the season.
- Rondo eats hotwings before every home game and for the season averages a double-double...in assists and boards.
- No one wants to pay Shawn Marion in this market. He swallows some serious pride, signs with the Celtics for the MLE for 1-year and comes off the bench. The 5-man lineup of Rajon, Pierce, Marion, KG and Perk does not allow an offensive rebound all season.
- Pierce tweets that he will opt out and play for $7m per year next season.
- The NBA forces Derrick Rose to take the SATs on live on TNT. He gets a 400. The penalty is that the Chuckster shaves off Derrick's dumb stache and that he has to wear a dunce cap during the 1st quarter of every game in February.
- Phil Jax retires to teach yoga in New Mexico. JVG becomes the new Laker coach. Jeff promptly gets his own reality show.
- First coach fired: Larry Frank (who I think is actually a decent coach, he just has a lousy team)
- Blazers fans overrate their team.
Add your own in the comments (I'm sure Po will be good at this).