Delonte West is not like you or me. Somehow, he manages to not relate to his fellow NBA players, a portion of society removed from the rest of us, a distorted utopia where you think West could at least somewhat fit in. Nope. Not happening. Therefore, when the NBA lockout hit, West did not spend his time doing things that other then-unemployed NBA players did. This is something I find extremely refreshing, and puts West in a category for me outside of his usual "Bipolar Eccentric" labeling. He didn't go overseas to play (the United States of America literally thought he would be a liability if he did), and he didn't spend his days dominating Rucker Park. He did basically everything else, and that deserves some sort of recognition. Here is a quick recap of the Summer and Autumn of Delonte Maurice West.
July 22nd: Mr. West leaks some of his so far unreleased mixtape, the aptly-titled "Lockout". The songs unleashed are surprisingly refurbished in terms of sound quality, a possible testament to the recording studio West has in his house. Lyrics like "Make your ass freeze, sub-zeroes" aren't exactly (Kanye) Westian, but the songs are not too atrocious in comparison to other NBA rappers.
August 12th: As previously noted, West finds out he is unable to travel overseas to play due to his prior arrests. This is probably a good thing, as Eastern Europe/Asia probably is not yet ready as a civilization for Delonte.
August 17th: This is probably the moment where West's lockout saga entered the mainstream. Delonte applied for a job at Home Depot, and the inverse Horatio Alger story the media portrayed this as was hard to ignore. Instead of commending West for you know, attempting to do tangible work and contribute to society, West was somewhat made fun of for "resorting" to Home Depot. Whether it was boredom or West somehow already blowing his $1.4 million salary from last year, the Delonte West Lockout Peep Show was underway.
August 22nd: West notes that the wholesale store BJ's is also in his sights, where he desired to sell knives, because what else is Delonte West going to sell.
September 21st: SLAM's Tzvi Twersky writes this awesome story about West, stripping away the caricature, revealing the true man behind the legitimate psychological madness. My favorite quote: "Print this: I ain’t lookin’ for no nipple to cry on. I’m just saying what it is. Hopefully, one day people won’t look at me as the boogieman."
September 28th: West reveals to America that he is now an official employee of Regency Furniture Showrooms, who apparently have a very lax tattoo policy. On the application that West sent, he describes his felony as a "misunderstanding", because that's literally the only way you can describe being pulled over with numerous firearms while under the influence of prescription bipolar medicine.
October 24th: West tweets that he's bought a white Ford Bronco, the same model O.J. Simpson had. Before you think that West doesn't know about the O.J. Simpson ordeal, he assures you it was done "O.J. Simpson Style". The picture of him pushing the instantaneously broken-down car to a gas station is hilarious and has him looking like Swizz Beats from the back.
The next few come from Delonte's Twitter feed (@CharleeRedz13), which is absolutely insane. It makes no sense and if you try to read it all in one sitting, you will die or lose massive brain function. It's like if Hunter S. Thompson spoke in Ebonics, used little to no punctuation, and was crazier. And it's the best thing on the internet.
November 3rd: "It's only few CDs ...make rotation in the lac......rhythm and gangsta...is def one of um...."
November 10th: "cinnamon toast crunch....CASINO ROYAL....toes curled all the way in the couch"
November 13th: "Can't spell 13OSS....with out 13....", "No lie I sat down.. Wit guys from Nike .....told um they should endorse a Nike condom...and have high profile athletes to endorse it", "Can't wait to get back to Boston...!!!...I hope...pleAse!!!!I sweari won't mess up again"
November 14th: "And the new dwest shoe ....it wod only be like 29.99...plus shipin and handling......and u can get a snuggie joint...fatigue color..."
November 27th: "66 games...... I gotta b ready 4 battle wit whoever........I AM GLADIATOR!!!!!!!!!!!.........my stamina gon b on 10000000000000"
After these seasons of the soul for Delonte, I pray he comes back (He's set to become a free agent as soon as that is allowed). Everyone saw the Celtics when he went down last season. Their bench was a mess, and Delonte was severely missed. Hopefully, the previous 700 words will not be Delonte's only contribution to Boston's joy this year. Although, even that wouldn't be so bad.