Fly On the Wall: A Conversation Between Ray Allen and Avery Bradley

The latest in our "Fly On the Wall" series has Ray Allen and Avery Bradley addressing Bradley's ascension to starting in the position Allen used to inhabit. As Jeff noted earlier in the week, maybe, JUST maybe, Allen isn't quite ready to throw hang the balloons and throw a surprise party for Bradley. The season is reaching its end, and it seems to be that the move to start Bradley over Allen has worked out in the Celtics favor, and has possibly been one of the primary reasons for the Celtics revival down the stretch. How is Allen feeling about all this? Is Bradley oblivious to the potential for tension? WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF THESE TWO ARE FORCED INTO CONVERSATION WITH EACH OTHER?!? Find out after the jump (click "continue reading this post" to activate jump mode).

The scene begins in the Celtics' locker room.

Ray Allen (stands up off of stool): Hey Avery, can I talk to you for a moment?

Avery Bradley: Uh, yeah. Sure.

Sasha Pavlovic (sees Kevin Garnett playing with matches): Can I come?

Allen: No. Avery, come on. (leads Avery into an office)

Bradley: Isn't this coach's office?

Allen: Not that...I know of (locks door). Sit down. (Allen remains standing) What do you think you're doing?

Bradley: What do you mean!

Allen: You're starting...and I'm not.

Bradley: Yeah, so?

Allen: WELL I WANT TO START.

Bradley: Then ask coach? I'm not the coach, even if I am sitting in his desk right now.

Allen: I did! He said "Our team seems to 'win' more games when Avery plays" and made that face he always makes when he's bored. YOU know the one. He's always talking about you now. It's SO annoying. Just like, shut up you know? I've been playing WAY longer than you have, and now I have to sit on the bench at tip-off next to crazy-eyed Pietrus and Stiemsma? Stiemsma smells like a farm all the time. I don't even know how that's possible, considering he hasn't been home in two months.

Bradley: I don't think Greg lives on a farm...

Allen (ignores Bradley's last statement): I can't put on this facade to the media any longer. You know, all this "Whatever Doc needs me to do" nonsense. I almost snapped the other day you know. The Boston Globe -- our town's newspaper, I don't know if you've been interviewed by them yet -- asked me how I felt about all this, and I said that I don't think I'll ever be comfortable with it. I was this close to revealing that I thought about filling your body wash container with shampoo. Can you imagine what would have happened to you if I actually went through with that? This isn't me. Surely you understand.

Bradley (playing with a stapler he found on the desk): Ow!

Allen: Exactly. Glad you see it my way.

Bradley: Huh? Oh haha, no. Yeah, that's not happening. You've seen the stats. We're better offensively AND defensively.

Allen: You're just jealous your shooting stroke didn't get Doc's "Prettiest Stroke of the Month" award for March.

Bradley: That's just to ensure your self-esteem doesn't go away.

Allen: Well, I still get more minutes then you. So hah!

Bradley: THEN WHAT ARE YOU COMPLAINING ABOUT?

Allen: I...I don't know. Isn't that what I'm supposed to do as one of the team leaders? I'm constantly getting asked my opinion on the matter, so I just assumed I had to be peeved. Also I like attention. You don't think I REALLY like running all the time, right? I just thought it would be an easy way to get a few columns out of a weird habit.

Bradley: Dude, I'M the one who should be complaining. I'm obviously playing better than you, and now I'm starting but I still get less minutes then the aging guy on the bench who's recovering from an injury?

Allen (not realizing Bradley's passive-aggressive tone): Guess I never thought of it that way.

Doc Rivers (from outside the locked door): Hey who's in my office? If it's Pietrus, YOU BETTER NOT BE EATING MY HARD CANDY.

Pietrus (from the outside, with a mouth full of hard candy): Coawchh, I'd didbn't tbake ybo're fooooood!!

Rivers: Stop speaking that French nonsense, and tell me where my candy is! We'll send you in for another concussion test if you don't speak English once in a while.

Allen: You know what Ave?

Bradley: Don't call me that.

Allen: Ave, I'm gonna learn how to come off the bench and play well (silently), and then take your spot.

Bradley: What's that?

Allen: Come playoff time, we'll finally be a cohesive unit. Me, you, and the rest of the guys.

Rivers: GET OUT OF MY OFFICE. I don't get why you guys use it as a meeting place. Why do you tell so many secrets? Aren't you adults?

Bradley: Let's get out of here and get something to eat.

Allen: Yeah. Let's. You know what's good? Mexican. A lot of mexican food is good to eat before a game. It was my good luck charm.

Bradley: Really?!

Allen: Oh yes. Ohhhhh yes. (cue ominous foreshadowing music)

Ray Allen's Mom:

(via @jose3030)

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