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Kevin Garnett Is Getting Along With the Celtics' Young Players, But At What Cost?

Rare photo of Kevin Garnett yelling.
Rare photo of Kevin Garnett yelling.

As noted on Saturday, Kevin Garnett is more than ever finding himself in a leadership role among the Celtics' young players. He has taken a liking to them, and is forever marveling about their work ethic and giving them nicknames. This may seem like a departure from the Kevin Garnett NBA fans are used to -- the one who waged personal vendettas against younger players who weren't in the mood to listen to him. In order to verify this love affair Garnett and the Celtics' youngins are having, we here at CelticsBlog sent over a documentary crew in order to capture just what exactly is going on. This is what we found:

Doc Rivers: Yeah, KG has been great with the kids. They really have taken a shine to him, and they just like being around one another. It's really fun to watch.

Cut to Avery Bradley:

Avery Bradley: I'm always scared. He never leaves us alone. (Garnett enters the room Bradley is being filmed in)

Kevin Garnett: What's up AB!

Bradley (initially frightened): AH! Hey Kevin. Haven't seen you in like, minutes!

Garnett: Just making my rounds on you guys (looks at camera), making sure they stay out of trouble!

Bradley: Well, thanks man (Garnett leaves). He invites us over to his place like, constantly. Did you know he has the jousting set-up from American Gladiators in his basement, but instead of the pugil sticks being padded, they're covered in steel?

Cut to a room with Greg Stiemsma and Ryan Hollins:

Greg Stiemsma: One time after practice, Kevin ran to my car and hopped in the passenger's seat. He demanded we go to Dunkin Donuts, and when we got there he made me run inside with a ski mask and a blown-up paper bag. I had to say "GIVE ME ALL OF YOUR DONUTS", and then I popped the bag and ran while Kevin stole an entire case of Gatorade from the cooler. I take the bus to practice now.

Ryan Hollins: I haven't been here that long, but in the time I have, Kevin has made me work on my intensity. He regularly just has me run into things and yell.

Cut to Bradley:

Bradley: He takes us out for dinner at nice steak places, but demands the cow be slaughtered in front of us.

Cut back to Stiemsma and Hollins:

Stiemsma: He introduced himself to my mom by high-fiving her so hard she regained feeling in her right arm. So that was nice.

Hollins: He chose me for his team in paintball against Rajon Rondo in the locker room, but I don't think Rondo's aware there is any sort of game going on.

Cut to Garnett:

Garnett: Steamboat, Bradley, Hollins; those are all my guys. I just like being around them, you know? We just get along so well. These guys, they just get me?

Cut to Bradley:

Bradley: If I wasn't so scared I would demand a trade. You know those horror movies where the killer just keeps popping up? That's my life, except I never die. (Garnett enters, sprays Bradley with fire extinguisher. Bradley strengthens up and puts on facade) Ha-ha! Good old KG! (Kevin leaves) Please help me.

Cut to Stiemsma and Hollins:

Hollins: Bradley's being a little girl. We are the ones who actually have to deal with him in practice.

Stiemsma: He keeps tacs in his hands and pokes me when we play in the post. He's popped the ball on several occasions, but the coaches never notice.

Hollins: Everything hurts all the time. The one nice thing about Cleveland is that this would have never happened. No one cared as much about anything as Kevin cares about basketball and hanging out with his friends.

(You hear Garnett from background, and see Sasha Pavlovic run by the camera, on fire)

Garnett: Oh, come on Sasha. You're no fun to play with. Where are Ryan and Steamboat!?

Hollins: We need to hide NOW. (Garnett finds them, takes them away. Off camera you hear faint screams and the laughter of a happy Garnett)

Cut to Bradley:

Bradley: All that said, it's kind of cool to have a future Hall-of-Famer take such an interest in us young guys. I mean, he could just as easily be hanging out with bigger names, but he chooses to spend his time with us. That's pretty awesome.

Cut to Paul Pierce and Ray Allen:

Pierce: Yeah, I remember my first year with Kevin as a teammate. Still have the scars to prove it.

Allen: This is a glass eye.

Pierce: After we won the title, he took us three to Las Vegas, and we still aren't allowed back to this day.

Allen: Kendrick (Perkins) asked to be traded because KG spent so much time with him and Perkins was losing too much blood. Kevin's a great guy, but just understands friendship a different way then most people are used to. I think like a sword swallower or a fireworks operator would be the ideal friend for Kevin. Someone who enjoys taking a lot of risks.

Pierce: Or a robot.

Cut to Garnett:

Garnett (smiling): I love my friends.

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