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The Top 5 Reasons Why Jeff Green Hasn't Signed Yet

Wha'chu talkin bout Jeff Clark?
Wha'chu talkin bout Jeff Clark?

The most common question I get lately on this blog or on twitter is "why do you think Jeff Green hasn't signed yet?" Nobody seems all that satisfied with my plain vanilla answer of "it has something to do with the fine points of the new CBA," which is exactly the answer that his agent David Falk gave. So if you aren't happy with that answer, here are five others you may chose from.

1. There's a chance that he could be traded for Dwight Howard. Everyone correctly states that due to the new CBA, free agents can't be signed and traded if they weren't with the team at the end of the season. But hey, Jeff Green was hanging out with the team a lot at the end of last season. That counts right? So all we have to do is sign and trade Green and Pietrus (who of course will make $10M next year) and Dwight Howard is ours!

2. He's changing his name to Metta Ocho Verde and wants to use that name on the paperwork instead of Jeff Green. He's also going to announce that he'll be competing in Dancing With The Stars (where he'll finish in the middle of the pack in every category) and will be buying Gilbert Arenas's old mansion with the shark tank. This is all part of his attempt to up his Q score.

3. He's had a major change of heart. Despite the fact that he hung out with the team during his recovery year, agreed in principle to a deal, showed up to a press conference introducing him as a member of the Celtics, and had his agent tell everyone that a deal is "imminent" - he decided to turn down $36M over 4 years in order to take his talents to South Beach for the veterans minimum. He also plans to show up to Waltham, rip off his Celtics warmup to reveal Heat colors and swing a bat at the same elbow that Rondo injured a couple years ago. Be afraid.

4. He can't be located. He's actually perfectly fine, but he's really, really into a game of World of Warcraft. In fact, his agent keeps trying to log into the game to tell him to sign his contract, but Green keeps killing him with a sword, ...or whatever it is that they use in that game. (Maybe I should have used a video game I'm familiar with - like Pitfall)

5. He's working on some very specific contract clauses. Jeff Green has always eaten all the green M&M's since he was a boy. This was never a problem in Georgetown and Oklahoma City had them delivered to him by the bag-full. But when he got to Boston, there was already a battle between Rondo and Ray Allen over the green and white M&Ms. Being a nice guy, he stayed out of it and ate the red ones instead. But his game suffered and he never quite fit in. Now with Ray out of the way, he's making sure that Rondo is cool with just the white ones. Except things are getting awkward and complicated because Jason Terry has always eaten one white one, one red one, one blue one, and 3 yellow ones. Nobody is sure why, but there's a complicated negotiating session going on between all the parties involved. Rajon has suggested playing Connect 4 to decide it.

So there you have it. The real reasons why Jeff Green hasn't signed yet... maybe.

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