Seriously, please don’t take this seriously.
Robert Williams did attend Celtics summer league practice today.— Jay King (@ByJayKing) July 2, 2018
Robert Williams, third of his name, was finally spotted at practice for the Summer League Boston Celtics. This is news because Robert Williams, third of his name, was not at the first practice for the Summer League Boston Celtics. Why was Robert Williams III (also known as “three sticks”) not at the first practice of the summer?
He, uh, missed his flight? But we’re not going to focus on that. Robert Williams has done what no other player before him, certainly not the first or the second Robert Williams, has done. Off the top of your head, please list all the players you know that have made it to the very next Summer League practice after missing their first practice after being drafted 27th overall. Go ahead, I’ll wait.
The list starts and ends with Robert Williams III. Now let me ask you this: how many objectively cooler players have ever overslept an introductory conference call the morning after getting drafted and then proceeded to miss their first pro-league practice right after going through the draft process in which character concerns were brought up as a knock to their game? The answer is zero (0). Not one player has been cooler than Robert Williams.
Here’s another unwritten record broken:
Not sure there’s ever been an athlete who justified pre-draft character concerns so quickly. Truly remarkable. https://t.co/F7CyGHhocA— Albert Breer (@AlbertBreer) July 1, 2018
You hear that, Celtics fans? Our rookie is one of a kind. Throughout the NBA Draft process, you really want to go for players that stand out from the rest of their peers. Robert Williams has gone above and beyond, especially with the most esteemed franchise in NBA history. Think about it like this, Robert Williams, regardless of whatever he does on the basketball court (which, well, he could do a lot if his potential is realized), will go down in Celtics history as that guy.
If we’re being fully honest, Robert Williams is a special player. He made Jay Larranaga “disappointed” which ranks up there with disappointing Al Horford in the top-5 list of things to not ever do as a Boston Celtic. Larranaga spends copious amounts of time with Marcus Smart and his shooting percentages, yet he’s never been so disappointed in Smart as he was speaking to the media about Williams’ first missed practice. Smart punched a picture frame. You’ve got to be a special type of player to get all of that in just the first day on the job, and here with the Boston Celtics, we’re all about special.
On top of missing his first practice, Robert Williams is so cool that he casually strolled in to the second practice. What if no one had noticed yesterday? Would he have committed to the bit and pretended he was there the whole time? Would he have immediately apologized to a confused Larranaga? I have so many questions.
One thing is for sure: Robert Williams III and all of his combat muscles, honed from multiple sessions of getting swole in the Ojeleye Factory of Muscles, is finally here. We need to embrace this one-of-a-kind talent as much as we can before Brad Stevens politely asks him to tone down his objective coolness, to which Williams will oblige because real recognizes real.
So where do we go from here?* Logically, the next question is: how will he finesse his way out of missing his first Summer League game? I’m shaking in anticipation.
*This entire post is a joke, and I am truly not worried about Robert Williams. The sanest and most obviously normal member of this team, Marcus Smart, overslept shootaround for a playoff game his rookie year, and no one questions his work ethic. It’s unfortunate timing that he had two big and public mistakes in his first week on the job, but I don’t foresee this kind of behavior continuing. He needs to mature, but I’m sure he will.