Gift ideas for every Celtics player

‘Tis the season to be stressed out over what to get your favorite people. So in case you are shopping for the Celtics players, I thought I’d come up with a list of suggestions.

Of course I’d like things like perfect health and championship rings for everyone, but I tried to keep these to tangible things you could actually buy someone without needing to resort to witchcraft or bending the space time continuum.

Kemba Walker - A nice, big stage. He deserves a spotlight, a curtain call, and many standing ovations. He’s done enough time on the smaller stages.

Jayson Tatum - A new iPhone with “portrait mode” because he’s going to need to practice his close up modeling looks for when he becomes the face of the franchise. Let’s see Green Steel.

Jaylen Brown - Power ties for when he becomes President of the United States. Or president of something even cooler and more prestigious.

Gordon Hayward - Whatever he’s doing is clearly working out for him, but I do hope that he’s getting outside and enjoying the fresh air once in a while. Yes, this is the most Dad thing I’ve ever written and I’m not ashamed.

Marcus Smart - A trophy case for all his future Defensive awards and his future Finals MVP trophy. Oh and can we make this a trophy case made of plexiglass?

Daniel Theis - A nametag for everyone outside of Boston that is going to have to get to know him this year. He is a legit find for Danny Ainge and the scouting team.

Robert Williams - I was going to say private lessons with Kevin Garnett to learn defensive fundamentals, but for the time being it sounds like he needs some rest and all the medical care he can get.

Grant Williams - A Santa Claus outfit because he loves giving gifts.

Enes Kanter - How about a huge thank you card from all the kids that attended his Summer Camps this summer?

Carsen Edwards - Finding Dory on BlueRay. Because all great shooters have a short memory and a great, positive attitude.

Brad Wanamaker - How about one of those big maps that has pins in it to signify important travels and life moments? It could plot out the long, winding path that brought him to Boston and the NBA.

Semi Ojeleye - For him, how about a lifetime supply of medicine balls (or perhaps a sponsorship?). For his teammates, how about some padding - not to protect him, but them.

Romeo Langford - Anything he wants from L.L. Bean because he’ll need to dress warm for a while.

Vincent Poirier - A photo shoot with some European fashion magazine that I’ve never heard of.

Javonte Green - Gerald Green’s jersey to wear in the NBA Dunk Contest.

Tremont Waters - All the Isaiah Thomas videos in the Celtics archives.

Tacko Fall - His own personal tailor and lots of fabric.

That’s the best I could do. Share your own ideas in the comments below. Happy Holidays!