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Overreacting to the SI top 100 NBA rankings

I for one am SHOCKED at where they placed the Celtics players.

USA Basketball Mens National Team Practice - Australia Photo by Joe Murphy/NBAE via Getty Images published their annual Top 100 ranking of NBA players. Five Celtics were ranked in that top 100.

First of all, you should ask yourself: What is the criteria of this list? Awesome author Rob Mahoney lays it out there pretty clearly.

Given the wide variety of candidates involved and the deep analytical resources available, no single, definitive criterion was used to form this list. Instead, rankings were assigned based on a fluid combination of subjective assessment and objective data.

So basically the list is whatever they wanted it to be, so really there’s no sense in getting upset over any of it. It is fun content in the middle of a dead period in the NBA offseason. No harm, no foul, right?

WRONG! We are contractually obligated to make a big deal about this kind of stuff. So I’m shocked and dismayed at all the rankings! I’m going to tell you all about why my subjective second guessing is clearly so much better than their subjective rankings.

#82 - Marcus Smart

FIRST TEAM ALL DEFENSE SUCKAS! Hey, at least you put him on your list this time after snubbing him last year. 82 huh? That should stand for how many games in a regular season Marcus Smart makes your team better.

Ranked ahead of him:

  • 79 - Julius Randle, first team all-terrible-defense
  • 73 - Ricky Rubio, who wishes he could shoot as well as Marcus

#68 - Jaylen Brown

Excellent, good. I love this. Brown had a bad first month or so, perhaps due to overhyped expectations. He settled down and worked his way into a solid season by the end. Now he’ll be underrated and motivated to prove everyone that he deserves to get paid.

Ranked ahead of him:

  • 67 - JJ Redick; old
  • 65 - Joe Ingles; slow

#59 Gordon Hayward

I mean, based on Utah this is a slap in the face. Based on last year this is actually very generous. Let’s just assume that nobody knew what to do with Gordon on this list and call it a wash.

Ranked ahead of him:

  • 58 - Klay Thompson; hurt
  • 57 - Otto Porter; late bloomer
  • 56 - Clint Capela; already peaked?

(yup, this looks like the part of the list where the group collectively threw in the “your guess is as good as mine” selections)

#35 Jayson Tatum

That’s future perennial All Star Jayson Tatum to you sir! Headed to a top 10 list any day now.

Ranked ahead of him:

  • 34 - Devin Booker - has not dunked on LeBron James in the playoffs
  • 33 - De’Aaron Fox - has not dunked on LeBron James in the playoffs
  • 32 - CJ McCollum - has not dunked on LeBron James in the playoffs

#20 Kemba Walker

“Know this only one may enter here one who’s worth lies far within The Diamond In The Rough!” Not everyone can handle Boston. The guess here is that Kemba can.

Ranked ahead of him:

  • 19 - Blake Griffin; old
  • 18 - Al Horford; old
  • 15 - Kyrie Irving; who?

Obviously the proper ranking of NBA players should be 1. Tacko Fall, 2. Marcus Smart, 3. tie between Walker, Tatum, Brown, Hayward, and Semi’s biceps, 4-100. everyone else.

But hey, Rob and company took the time to put together this exhaustive list golf claps all around. The real hard work was sarcastically reacting to it in roughly 20 minutes of time. My fingers are tired. I think I’ll take a nap.

(Feel free to add your own totally correct and definitely non-biased opinions in the comments below.)

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