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Game 5 SWAGs

Silly, Wild, Anxiety-filled, Guesses

NBA: Boston Celtics at Miami Heat Sam Navarro-USA TODAY Sports

Everything I thought I knew was wrong and nothing has gone according to plan so far in this series. So any legitimate predictions I may have had went out the window long ago. My analysis has been reduced to “play defense and hit all your 3 pointers.” My heart wants to believe, my head wants to prepare for the worst and hope for the best, and my soul is ride or die, ready for anything.

So since I have nothing productive left to add, I’m leaning into the silly part of my SWAGs.

Blake Griffin will make a huge play

I realize that Blake hasn’t played since the Atlanta series, but I just have a hunch that Joe Mazzulla will play a hunch and play the veteran for some spot minutes in this game. When he does, I can see Blake hunting charges like a maniac. Just throwing himself on the floor repeatedly like a stunt double for Jim Carrey. Udonis Haslem will be inserted into the game and immediately get ejected for unsportsmanlike conduct.

Grant Williams will hit 7 three pointers

Most of which will be in Jimmy Butler’s face. Then he will make poking gestures at Butler. Then he will make “pay me” hand gestures to Wyc Grousbeck. Then he will devolve into odd pantomime movements that only 4 nerds on Reddit will understand in the least. He’ll turn into a meme online and Luke Kornet will serve as his interpretive dance interpreter during the media session.

Jaylen Brown will struggle early, then deliver late

We’ll all be scratching our heads about what is going wrong with Jaylen Brown in the first half. Then he’ll come out in the 2nd half without his mask on. He will also have changed his shoes, added arm and headbands, and shaved his head (but not his beard). After the game he’ll explain that the mask and hair didn’t have any buckets left. Kornet will take credit for the arm and headbands.

Marcus Smart and Kyle Lowry will get heated

Smart and Lowry will have their usual flop-off competition, and at some point they’ll get on each other’s nerves to the point where they start jawing at each other. Then the first ever non-contact fight will occur as both make menacing gestures at each other while the other attempts to fall backwards before any contact even occurs. The refs will stand awkwardly to one side before eventually calling dual delay-of-game technicals.

Quick hits:

  • Derrick White will block Bam Adebayo
  • Tatum will make some kind of reference to Kobe Bryant
  • Marcus Smart will turn the ball over, steal it back, turn it over, and steal it back in one weird play
  • Joe Mazzulla will use all his timeouts (crazy, I know!)
  • Robert Williams will hit a 3 pointer

Yes, this series finally broke my brain and this is the result. Go Celtics!

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